Vampires and zombies are the kinds of employees that most terrify HR professionals, according to a survey that also dug up HR’s biggest appraisal nightmare and scary workplace stories.
Zombies are employees whose minds and dedication long ago evaporated, and vampires hide in the shadows and suck dry the organization’s resources. Forty-four percent of HR professionals dread them equally. Aliens—those workers whom no one is quite sure from where they sprang—spooked only 11.6 percent of HR professionals.
Other findings from the online survey conducted mid-October 2009 with more than 200 HR professionals by Halogen Software:
Lazy managers are the source of HR’s biggest appraisal nightmare, nearly 42 percent said, followed by late appraisals (25.6 percent), too much paperwork and incomplete appraisals (both 16.3 percent).
Building a high-performance workforce is the issue HR professionals fear will most wreak havoc down the road for their organization, cited by 35.7 percent of respondents. Less terrifying: current economic issues (19.5 percent), retention issues (16.7 percent), and retiring workers and training new managers (both 14.3 percent).
Asked to rate the issues they most fear on a daily basis, HR cited recruiting and pay for performance/bonuses (11.6 percent); succession planning and generational differences (9 percent each); and retention and employee appraisals (7 percent each).
Handling employee problems is the worst, though, according to nearly 35 percent, and some shared the following real-life horror stories with Halogen.
Horror Stories
The scariest moment for one HR professional was the job applicant wearing a T-shirt that featured an expletive prominently. The candidate offered the interviewer a $200 cash bribe to halt the interview process and hire him.
“I didn’t hire my potential future blackmailer, although I did end the interview at that point!” the unidentified HR professional told Halogen.
One person new to HR reported interviewing a 6-foot 5-inch tall, 250-pound, part-time cage fighter for a delivery position. A background check revealed the man had a probation violation from another state but there was no other information on his criminal record. The HR professional probed further, using another background checking resource to experience the difference between the provider the company used and one that, because of cost, it was considering employing.
The findings: The job candidate was a registered sex offender, and the probation violation was triggered when he failed to register after he moved. After the HR professional’s company contacted its initial vendor to complain about the lack of detail it had provided, that vendor reported the conviction to the state police.
“The candidate got a notification in the mail, which was opened up by his significant other in the presence of her ex,” with whom he was in the middle of a custody battle. “Within 24 hours I had an enraged cage fighter twice my size at my place of employment looking for me. I got to use my de-escalation skills,” the unidentified HR professional concluded.
Another HR professional recalled a sales account manager who took medical leave. Several months after he was on leave, the accounting department brought to HR’s attention that the man’s company-issued and company-guaranteed credit card was past due by several months. Although employees were not allowed to use the card for personal expenses, most of his $25,000 tab was for liquor stores “to the tune of $400-$500 per day.”
Another charge was for $2,500 in bail to a Las Vegas jail.
A look into the personnel file of the man who had been hired prior to the HR professional’s tenure showed a background check indicating the sales account manager had been convicted of credit card fraud and had done jail time.
“It’s not that this was overlooked, as it was highlighted with a marker. Incredibly, this guy had gotten hired anyway and was given a company-issued credit card. He was immediately fired. The company took the hit for the $25,000 liquor and bail expenses.”
Issues with Pants
Then there was the week employees got cheeky at a manufacturing plant where one HR professional used to work. One male employee was mad at another male employee working on the same line. The second employee turned his back on the first man to ignore him, “and the guy that was mad leaned over and bit him on the behind. The biter actually tore a small hole in the guy’s pants.”
Two days later a different employee, angry at his boss, unbuttoned his own pants, pulled them down, bent over and shook his bare bottom at his boss. His boss was amused but another employee reported the incident to HR.
“How does a grown man think that exposing your behind at work is acceptable? Not to mention, someone in a supervisor role who also doesn’t see a problem with this behavior!”
One organization still hasn’t recovered from the employee telecommuting from home who had a “Candid Camera” moment during a weekly managers’ meeting via the webcam in his laptop.
Richard—not his real name—forgot about the camera, which is enabled automatically when the person joins the meeting.
“If he had only been dressed inappropriately, say shorts and a T-shirt, that might have been merely embarrassing and everyone would have had a nice laugh,” according to the unidentified HR professional who related the story to Halogen.
“But Richard didn’t have shorts and a T-shirt on. In fact, he had nothing on. It soon became apparent to the other shocked participants, who unbeknownst to Richard could see everything.
“When his manager said, ‘Richard, what are you doing!’ the world stopped. The fallout was so bad and the story spread so fast that poor Richard had to leave the company and move his family to an entirely new area of the country. Even though this happened some months back, I still don’t think everyone is yet over the shock.
“Some people say that telecommuting and web conferencing have opened up access to an entirely new workforce and new possibilities, and who could argue,” the HR professional pointed out. “But sometimes it opens up far more than we bargain for.”