2/13/07 9:00 AM

Women more leery than men about workplace romances

By Kathy Gurchiek

Love continues to be a many splendored thing at work, even though a sizable percentage of workers—especially women—think it could jeopardize their job security or put the brakes on their advancement, a recent survey found.

The number of workers overall who have dated a co-worker edged up from 36 percent in 2005 to 39 percent in 2006, says a January 2007 Spherion Workplace Snapshot online survey of 1,588 U.S. workers. Nearly four in 10 workers have considered dating a co-worker.

Women are more reluctant than men, though, to get involved with a co-worker—30 percent of women and 47 percent of men would pursue a workplace romance. Unlike 36 percent of men, 47 percent of women worried a workplace romance would hurt them on the job.

When they did date a colleague, women were more likely than men to be discreet about it and more likely to date the person for several years. Overall, 42 percent of workers who started a relationship in the workplace conduct their romance openly vs. 35 percent who don’t. By gender, 41 percent of women and 31 percent of men keep it quiet. And workers under age 40 are more likely to date openly.

But blogs and online social networking sites are making it more difficult to keep a lid on the gossip about office romance, said John Heins, Spherion’s senior vice president and chief HR officer.

These online venues “provide very public means for personal news to be shared,” he said in a press release.

“Becoming a target of gossip on the Internet does have the potential to affect career advancement and job security, especially when the relationship is clearly not appropriate,” Heins said in the release. “Workers today should be realistic about whether they can keep a workplace romance secret and should also be aware of the inherent risks.”

Workplace romances can survive the stress and scrutiny, according to Spherion’s findings:

• Nearly one third, or 30 percent, of workers dated a colleague for several months; 15 percent for several years.

• More than a quarter, or 27 percent, dated for several weeks or less.

• 25 percent said their workplace romance led to marriage.

• Marriage was more likely among co-workers over age 30. Among workers age 65 or older, 45 percent married their sweeties.

What’s love got to do with it?

Employees generally consider office romances OK as long as they don’t interfere with work, according to the 2007 Office Romance Survey from career publisher Vault Inc., and most managers apparently agree.

Vault Inc. surveyed 575 U.S. workers and managers in early January 2007, and 58 percent of managers said they would interfere in a workplace romance only if it compromised the work.

Another 21 percent of managers said they would discuss the situation with both people, 10 percent would do nothing, and 7 percent would require the couple to sign a consensual relationship agreement. Only 1 percent would fire one or both people.

One woman who dated a co-worker noted she was forced to resign her position, although the couple did eventually marry and have children.

Policies against romantic relationships among co-workers often don’t exist, or employees claim to be unaware of an existing policy, a number of surveys found.

Forty-one percent of workers in the Vault survey were not aware of any policy forbidding intimate relationships among co-workers. Only 16 percent were aware their employer had such a policy.

One unidentified person noted that while the employer had no official policy, “I did end up moving to another office shortly after my engagement was announced to the COO and president of the company.”

Nearly one-third, or 31 percent, in the Spherion snapshot were not sure if their employer had such a policy. Only 16 percent said their employers had such a policy; 53 percent said their employer did not.

Findings from both surveys echo results from the Society for Human Resource Management’s (SHRM) and CareerJournal.com’s 2006 Workplace Romance survey.

It found most organizations permit workplace romance even as they somewhat discourage it. Only 9 percent of 493 HR professionals said dating among employees was prohibited.

If there is such a policy, employers need to be clear about what it says. One example of a clear policy, according to Vault, was “to move one of the two [people] to another department, position or location.”

“Given that most of us spend at least a third of our day at work, there’s plenty of opportunity to consider a workplace romance,” observed Spherion’s Heins.

“Certainly, it’s a company’s decision whether to allow or discourage co-worker dating, but the fact that nearly one-third of workers [in the Spherion snapshot] aren’t sure whether their employers have such a policy is somewhat concerning.”

Love, let they name be discretion

Workers involved in a romantic relationship should be discreet, advises business etiquette expert Barbara Pachter.

“People let their guard down” around Valentine’s Day, she said, and “they can be overwhelmed with the emotion of the holiday and say or do inappropriate things at the office.”

Even if the employer has a liberal view of office romance, it’s not professional to share good or bad details of the relationship with colleagues, she points out.

“If you don’t behave properly, an office romance can cause conflict and have a negative impact on your career,” the author of NewRules@Work: 79 Etiquette Tips, Tools and Techniques to Get Ahead and Stay Ahead (Prentice Hall Press, 2006), notes in a press release.

Nineteen percent of the workers Vault surveyed admitted having an office tryst in such places as a walk-in cooler, the boss’s office, the warehouse and the break room. Seventeen percent, up from only 2 percent in 2006, have been caught in the midst of a rendezvous, Vault found.

One couple met in a restroom but managed to elude detection when someone walked in by keeping quiet in one of the stalls.

Perhaps they should have considered some of the following tips from Pachter:

• No romantic displays at work, including holding hands or stealing a kiss. People get caught, she said, and careers can be ruined.

• Don’t even think about e-mailing X-rated Valentine’s Day cards or sending an unsigned Valentine’s Day card to a co-worker. Also, rethink using cell phones for intimate conversations; your voice may be louder than you realize.

• Send flowers or gifts to your honey’s home. A well-intentioned gesture can embarrass the recipient when co-workers try to figure who the sender is.

• Business rules apply in business social situations—don’t dance too closely or drink too much, use seductive language or wear seductive clothing.

• If the relationship ends, behave professionally. It’s likely both people will have to continue working with or around each other.

• Your boss should not be your valentine. Have your reporting relationship changed if you are dating your supervisor.

Kathy Gurchiek is associate editor for HR News. She can be reached at kgurchiek@shrm.org.

For the latest HR-related business and government news, go daily to www.shrm.org/hrnews.

Related article:

Most organizations lack policy on office romance, HR News, Feb. 9, 2006.