The Quiet Power of 4 Small Words
PEOPLE + LIFE: How ‘I need your help’ can become a bridge to resilience and shared strength.
The many benefits of belonging to communities that we choose to join are self-evident: social connections, growth, learning opportunities, and, at their best, emotional support. However, life often thrusts us into communities that we want no part of, including the community of the seriously ill.
Medical challenges will impact us all. My family has been in and out of the scary, unpredictable, and stressful cancer community for the last few years. It recently gripped us again with vengeance.
Anyone who has dealt with a serious medical condition understands its wide-ranging impact on patients and their ecosystem — partners, children, siblings, parents, friends, co-workers, and neighbors — and how it wildly disrupts even the simplest routines.
What Help Really Looks Like
In my professional career, I often shared a powerful lesson I learned early on — the power of four magical words: “I need your help.” I owe my professional success in part to the small army of colleagues who responded immediately when I asked for their help.
The tables have been turned as we manage our family medical crisis. We are fortunate to have so many people offering to help us. But I am finding it is much harder to respond to offers of help from others than it is for me to ask for their help.
When I ask for help, I feel more in control because at least I have ideas of how to solve a problem. When others have offered help during this medical crisis, I’ve struggled, in part because the problem cannot be solved simply. Often, the help I need is more intangible. It can be hard to share that I simply need a hug or someone to listen intently.
My response to a recent “Can I bring you anything?” text was: “If you could bring peace in a bottle, that would be great.” The person who reached out is also a member of the cancer community, which made me comfortable responding this way, knowing she would understand what was on my wish list.
People are more connected and perform better when we feel that our work community cares about more than just our work output."
‘How Are You?’
In recent years, we dealt with the COVID-19 pandemic, racial unrest after George Floyd’s murder, multiple natural disasters, and other stressful events. One of the powerful benefits of this turmoil was a shift in the intent of the question “How are you?” We all wanted to know how others were coping. We became more open and rarely defaulted to the perfunctory answer of “fine.”
Our collective global pandemic experience is in the rearview mirror. But the world remains unsettling and stressful on top of our day-to-day life challenges. This sense of being out of control impacts employee performance and engagement. Many people have learned to mask the effects.
For leaders, there is a need to bring back the care and empathy of that simple question, “How are you?” Pause and be prepared to press for more if the answer is “fine.” People are more connected and perform better when we feel that our work community cares about more than just our work output.
The bonds of trust and humanity grow stronger when we know other people are dealing with similar challenges. One of my peers also had a spouse fighting cancer. He became an even more trusted confidant. Our talks helped me to focus on my family, work, and what I could control and encouraged me to take care of myself. We both retired recently and continue to support each other.
Regardless of whether we choose to be part of certain communities (or if the communities choose us), we must always remember to invest in them to reap their many rewards. Knowing we are not alone is essential for navigating life’s tricky waters.
Rhonda Morris is the former CHRO at Chevron. She currently serves on the Workday board of directors.
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