Civility Training for Managers Starts with a ‘Neighborhood Mentality’

Incivility is on the rise, with U.S. workers reporting a 10.4% increase in daily acts of incivility in their everyday lives since the first quarter of this year, according to new SHRM research. Political disagreements, along with ones about hot-button social issues and the direction of the country, are polarizing workers.

But there’s some good news: HR professionals can help set the tone for their organization by training managers in how to foster civility among their team members, even as they model courteous, respectful behavior to the organization at large.

Understanding what civility looks like for a manager’s team members “and being able to bring that together harmoniously with your team takes a specific skill,” said Josh Smith, head of Americas HR and global head of talent at Sedgwick, a global claims administrator based in Chicago. Smith’s background includes training development for managers.

Managers play “a paramount role” as stewards of organizational culture, he said, noting that civility starts with “creating a neighborhood mentality.”

This way of thinking “brings [civility] to a new level” by shifting your mindset around how you work with and treat others, Smith said. “If [managers] think of it that way, they can create an environment where civility thrives.”

In a March episode of SHRM’s People + Strategy podcast, Julie Lodge-Jarrett, chief people and purpose officer at Pittsburgh-based Dick’s Sporting Goods, said, “It’s our responsibility in HR to create the conditions by which you can have messy but healthy debates and discussions. And you can do that in a civil way, even if you’re not aligned and on the same page.”

‘A Culture of Backlash’

The basics of civility start with pausing and acknowledging we live in a fast-moving world where a lot of communication is not conducted in person, said Jennifer Schielke, CEO of Summit Group Solutions, an IT staffing and recruitment firm in Bellevue, Wash.

“We’re in a culture of backlash right now,” she said. “There are a lot of dialogues that start and stop and continue to go on unresolved. We’re so used to a pattern of unresolved conflict … [of] you can say anything you want and not be accountable for it.”

A lack of guideposts and “the habits we see and build around us inherently influences how we respond in person, and we need to acknowledge that and make sure we’re intentional in how we interact in our professional spaces,” Schielke added.

Managers should be trained on what constitutes respectful communication and should have established guidelines for their team’s professional conduct, Smith recommended.

They should also learn these techniques:

• Practice active listening.

Give your team members your full, undivided attention, and be respectful and empathetic.

“Oftentimes, leaders get caught in the nexus of not having listened enough upfront,” Smith said. “Our leaders are in a position today where just listening often solves the problem. You may not have to say anything, but people want to be heard.”

• Be invested in your team members.

“Being invested in people is the first step” toward civility, Schielke said. “As you’re training managers, train them to be invested in their people. It’s not just the KPIs [key performance indicators] and the achievement they’re working toward.” When that’s the sole focus, the relational aspect gets left behind.

Investment requires connecting on a personal level, Schielke said. Managers need to know their direct reports and understand their communication skills and preferences. This helps build a trusting environment where team members feel that “you care about their development, you care about their success.”

• Practice conflict resolution.

Resolving workplace conflict should happen expeditiously when an issue arises, and the employer should provide HR with the tools to develop managers’ conflict resolution skills, Smith said.

“That training is key and is where HR comes in,” he said. “When things happen and incivility becomes prominent, our leaders need to be equipped with how to solve those issues in a way that creates a way for our employees to perform, to be focused on the right things, to have a common ground. That is a big piece of the training.”

Resolving conflict requires dealing with incivility in the moment, Schielke said.

“Anything you see or observe is often the best time to correct it—or at least remember it or mark it so you can give a specific example” when you discuss the team member’s discourteous conduct, she explained. 

Don’t attack the individual’s behavior, though.

“You don’t want to operate from fear,” Schielke advised. Instead, thank the individual for meeting with you and help them understand the reason for your conversation—as an investment in their personal development by correcting the behavior and moving forward.

Also, conflict resolution should be handled in person—or via Zoom if the team member works remotely—instead of an email or text, which can leave the manager’s meaning open to interpretation in what already may be a touchy situation, Schielke said.

“Honor that relationship enough to take the time to be present” with the team member, she added. “Being a manager, you have the privilege and responsibility of setting that tone of civility and doing that training.”

Resources:

How to Promote Civility in the Workplace, SHRM, Aug. 20, 2024

SHRM’s Political Conversations Playbook Offers Guidance on Civil Discourse, SHRM, Oct. 28, 2024

People + Strategy podcast: Julie Lodge-Jarrett on Leading with Respect to Foster Civility

All Things Work podcast: Introducing the SHRM Civility Index

SHRM Q1 Civility Index infographic