Inspiring Women: Unveiling the ‘Butterfly Transformation’ Journey

To commemorate International Women’s Day (IWD), and to inspire women at the workplace, my choice of tool would have been a two-day long training on women empowerment, a tad utopian today. A decade ago, I found inspiration through women empowerment training sessions held across various Indian private and public sector corporates. I had the privilege of being mentored by a training consultancy firm renowned for its seasoned, polished, and highly nuanced trainers. The impact on me has been remarkably deep and advantageous, lingering with me for a decade. Anyone in their 50s and beyond should try to pass on their learnings, through mentorship of the young, and this is my inspiration to write this blog today.

Mindset transformation cannot be achieved within the confines of one-hour women development cum celebration sessions on the 8^th of March, which seem to be the prevailing trend. In today's demanding market, constrained by budget, time, and the pressing need for productivity, training duration or the training itself is often the first on the chopping block. Like Instagram reels, employers prefer training sessions to be concise. However, this inclination, while convenient, may overlook the crucial advice that a mere check-in-the-box approach does not yield real, long-lasting impact. Unfortunately, many employers are fine with risking long-term benefits for short-term convenience, as women’s development is not a priority for them, and often takes a back seat.

In today's fast-paced workplace, burdened by ongoing layoffs, increased workloads, and the relentless push for productivity, employers cannot allocate employees of any gender for extended training durations. Transformational learning which takes place layer-by-layer, through deep-dives in discussions with experienced trainers, reflecting, and obtaining newer perspectives through challenging questions, is not going to happen in double quick time. Like how AI can enhance efficiency and productivity but might result in cultivating lazy, impatient minds that seek quick solutions without sustained effort, the shortcut approach in training is fostering unrealistic expectations from employees without providing adequate nurturing.

This blog does not promise an immediate or monumental shift. However, until you are empowered to organize comprehensive training sessions specifically designed for women, here are two ways you can initiate mindset shifts towards your liberation and empowerment:

1.     From Victim to Victor: I still recall the chilling feeling when the trainer asked the woman participant why she did not leave her sick child home alone and come to work?

The topic under discussion in the women empowerment session was challenging the victim mindset.

“Have you seen elderly ladies sitting and talking on the park bench,” the trainer asked the audience. They often have a victim mentality, which is apparent from this typical dialogue. One lady, with a pathetic tone, says to the others, “My daughter-in-law is soooo baaad at cooking.” Another lady jumps in, with a more pathetic tone, “My daughter-in-law is worse; she doesn’t cook aaatt aallll.”

“What are they trying to prove,” questioned the trainer. “Why do women tend to talk as if they have a poor fate?”

In a candid setting of an all-female audience where no one felt the need to impress, participants began expressing frustrations about having to shoulder the bulk of domestic responsibilities at home, while juggling work, burning the proverbial candle at both ends. They delved into the challenges of unaided household chores, unhelpful husbands, and demanding children. This was the perfect moment for the trainer to ask the participants to share specific examples as the trainer knew where they were headed. It was almost like drama that enfolds pretty much in a similar fashion in most training sessions, unknown to the audience.

One woman gave the example of the time when her child was very sick, and since her husband refused to take leave, she was forced to take leave to take care of the child, and these kinds of sacrifices hurt women’s career prospects.

“Aren’t we perpetual victims?” she almost wailed!

Most women nodded in agreement, practically anticipating the trainer to affirm the unfortunate truth that women “always” face greater burden at home.

The trainer, who was a seasoned professional, calmly turned the tables on them by asking a counter-question, “Whose choice was it to not leave the sick child at home with a maid?”

Pin-drop silence!

“Me,” answered the woman, suddenly caught on the back foot.

Another woman, who had not understood the import of the discussion, said she preferred to stay at home with the child, but then she would have probably lost her job, hence it was a forced sacrifice to even leave the child with the maid. The trainer, again resorted to the counter-question tactic, and asked her point-blank, “whose choice was it to stay on in this job?”

In all honesty, the questioning and counter-questioning went on for a longer time than can be captured here in the blog. The questions come strong and hard. They must be dealt with on the spur of the moment, using the tools learned, but most importantly, keeping your eye on the ball. That is, we must realize, it is we ourselves, who make our choices, though we keep blaming husband or mother-in-law or kids or the house help for the “sacrifices we are forced to make.”

It is not to say that just this discussion can alter your mindset, but it does begin to chip away the cemented belief that we women possess. Most women believe we are victims who have no choice but to keep sacrificing for the sake of our family. It takes many tools and techniques, delivered deftly over 2-3 days, to make the participants agree and admit that we are more empowered than we think.

Once I begin to realize that every decision I make is ultimately my choice, and no one else’s, my transformation towards liberation and empowerment has begun.

2.     From Confirmation to Information: Have you ever felt a sense of shame when you discovered that you wrongly assumed someone had ill intentions?

The trainer narrated the story of a couple of female trainers who did not arrive on time at a pre-scheduled session at a large corporate. It was a women development session back in 2014, and the female participants had woken up early to finish their umpteen chores and reach the training venue on time. On finding that the trainers themselves were late, with not even a phone call, they naturally felt annoyed. As time went by, their irritation turned into resentment. “Still no sign of them,” said one woman to the others. “What is this? Didn’t we get up early to reach here at 8:30 am? Then why couldn’t they?” the ladies cattiness became a way to pass time. “8:45- still no sign!” Those were the days when people still respected punctuality, and traffic was not a great excuse. “9 am- still not come! Heights of unprofessionalism!”

Finally, around 9:15, the two trainers walked in, and feeling bad themselves, quickly apologized and started the session. They were also cognizant of the fact that the client will not be happy and there was not any time to waste.

The session rolled on, but the women participants were still feeling offended by the late start, and were planning to give poor feedback in punctuality, though the trainers seemed to be good with their training content and delivery.

After 5 pm, when it was time to wrap up and the content had been duly covered with no more questions left unanswered, the trainers narrated what had happened in the morning, on their way to the venue. A child was found injured by a hit and run, bleeding and crying in pain, with no parent or relative in sight. They hastily tried to hail an auto, to take the child to a nearby hospital, but no auto seemed to stop. Finally, they managed a ride, took the child to the hospital, worried whether they would be faulted for not searching for the parent in the area the child was found.

Now the participants had pangs of guilt, for assuming the trainers were unprofessional, rather than waiting to find out the truth. They had turned the ‘information’ that the trainers were late, into ‘confirmation’ that the trainers were unprofessional.

The shift from assuming confirmation to seeking information helps avoid hasty conclusions and a lot of negativities.

I consistently apply these two principles, and they yield substantial benefits both in the workplace and in my personal life.

On this International Women's Day, let us make a mental note to embrace these principles and commence practicing them.

Reflect on this - Butterfly Transformation: Like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly, women empowerment represents a beautiful metamorphosis where individuals evolve, spreading their wings to reach new heights. #EmpowerHer