Remote Working, Resolving Conflicts, and Reducing Stress

In traditional office settings, teams naturally communicate throughout the day, from casual chats in common areas to interactions during breaks. However, remote teams lack these spontaneous opportunities for interaction. This absence can lead to silos forming, especially for introverted team members who may not initiate communication. Remote teams must be intentional about fostering communication to bridge these gaps. 

Creating an avenue for communication where there is none is also assertiveness. 

Scenario: 

In my remote role, I had made it a habit to call one a different colleague every Saturday. I knew everyone was busy during the weekdays, and general chit-chat while being remote was going to be hard. On the other hand, on Saturdays, people are more relaxed and tend to talk longer. This helped with interpersonal relationships. Whenever I needed some advice or was curious about something, I knew whom to turn to. It is not a perfect substitute for the kind of bonding that can happen when people chat in person, as they express a lot with their smiles, their eyes, and the shared intimacy of a cup of tea, but it is better than nothing. And it takes assertion to request others to speak to you on a Saturday. It is your right to want to know your coworkers better, so claim it. They may postpone giving you time, but they will not deny it to you. 

Communication in remote working has its advantages too! Some people have health issues that make them uncomfortable in a shared space, like needing to go to the washroom often. Remote working offers privacy away from the prying eyes of your manager or coworkers, since when you are talking on the phone, they will not know that you are sitting on the crapper. It can be fun to work remotely, provided you make up for the lack of interaction opportunities by being proactive. If you are someone who needs to work remotely on most days of the week due to your health, be assertive about it. 

Resolving Conflicts with Assertiveness 

In most scenarios, employees handle toxic situations by avoiding them. Many of us are guilty of not dealing with conflict well in our lives and then choosing to avoid addressing it altogether. In some situations, at the workplace or home, avoiding conflict may be fine, especially when the stakes are not high.  

For example, if your colleague said something that offended you, it might be best to let it pass. Putting some time between the event and your response may help the situation seem unimportant later on, negating the need for action. Upon closer inspection, this also resembles assertiveness.

Power of Listening 

When a situation needs handling, it is best handled with assertiveness. Assertiveness has been explained above, but listening must be emphasized here. One cannot underestimate the power of listening in assertive communication and conflict resolution. Many a time, a conflict arises and then it escalates when a person feels they have not been heard. When you do not listen to a person who is trying to tell you something, you are not going to be able to make the person listen to you. This is a given in most situations. The secret sauce to resolving conflict here is to allow the person to speak their heart while you give them a patient hearing. You do not just listen, but let them know you are listening by putting your body (language) in an attentive mode. You could look at them, nod, blink your eyes, and show other cues that you are listening. 

Power of Acknowledging 

Acknowledging that you are listening and trying to understand the other person’s point of view is a crucial ingredient in the art of successful communication. If you do not show signs, how will the other person know you are listening? Here, you can use your body language to convey that you are listening and trying to understand by turning to face them and stopping whatever you were doing. So, if you were writing notes, put the pen down for a moment and make eye contact to show them you are attentive, or you could start making notes to show them you are jotting down what they are saying. Nodding and saying “Ah, Umm” while making eye contact are indications of acknowledgement. This will relieve the person’s ego. Once they have been heard, they will be open to listening to you. 

Understanding is not the same as agreeing. We do not have to agree with the other person but try to understand the other person and acknowledge them. 

Asking Questions to Clarify 

You are allowed to ask questions to seek clarification during the listening, understanding, and acknowledging process. This will enhance your understanding while reflecting your acknowledgment. 

Suggesting Instead of Being Dominant

Then it is your chance to say your piece. But do not just say it. Start by suggesting. You could say, “Do you think we could do this?” Or “What do you think about this idea?” Convert your suggestion statement into a question, and put the ball in their court. Then give a pregnant pause! Now, it is the other person’s turn to listen, understand, and present their opinion/objections to your proposal. Allow them time. Do not rush them. This silence can do wonders. It can get you the buy-in you are hoping for. Barring exceptional cases, people will listen, and this can help resolve conflicts. Once you get the hang of this art, it can work like magic.

To put the sequence into perspective: 

Listen –> Understand –> Acknowledge -> Ask Questions –> Suggest –> Pause        

Reduce Mental Stress with Increased Assertiveness  

A strong attitude can help you control stress, anger, and frustration. Relationships are a big cause of mental stress, be it at work or outside work. One may want to stay away from personal relationships to reduce stress as a coping mechanism, but this is not possible at work nor beneficial to our health. Not having healthy relationships will take a toll on our mental health. The best antidote to mental stress is to improve our coping skills. Here, assertiveness comes to the rescue. 

The crux of assertiveness is mutual respect. “I respect you, but I respect myself too.” Once we can internalize this equation, it will help us control our anger and frustrations and increase our mental well-being. Aggressiveness can lead to anger and submissiveness can lead to frustration. Passiveness may lead to apathy. Assertiveness is our best card in work and personal life. 

READ

Mastering Assertiveness: Non-Verbal Techniques and Leadership Tips