How to Give Feedback to People Who Cry, Yell, or Get Defensive

Feedback has always been an important part of corporate culture, whether structured feedback at the end of the financial year or task-based feedback. With remote work becoming more prevalent and work dynamics and expectations evolving dynamically, feedback is more valuable to maintain consistency. 

Delivering feedback to employees who react emotionally through tears, anger, or defensiveness requires a thoughtful and empathetic approach. Effectively managing these emotions can maintain a productive workplace. However, it is also necessary to ensure that feedback leads to positive change.

Let’s explore a few ways you can handle individuals who resist feedback in one way or another!

1. Understand the importance of your feedback. Remember that your feedback aims to empower the employee to move towards growth and development. Always remember the purpose behind sharing the feedback. Remind the employee that it is for their benefit, and you stand to gain nothing from it. It can help set a positive tone for the discussion and help reduce resistance. 

2. Prepare thoroughly: When providing constructive feedback, always substantiate it with specific incidents and examples. This preparation clarifies your stance and reduces misunderstandings. Understanding your emotional state to potential pushback is equally important because self-awareness can help you prevent any escalation. 

3. Manage emotions effectively:

   a. Cry: Some people become emotional while receiving feedback. As a supervisor, you are responsible for remaining calm and acknowledging these emotions. It is good practice to share feedback with the employees towards the end of the day, as it gives them ample time to process their feelings in the comfort of their homes. If the discussion becomes emotionally charged in any manner, please suggest a follow-up meeting.

   b. Yell: We have all encountered situations where the feedback doesn’t sit well with the employee, leading to an outburst. In such situations, you should stay calm and not give in to the other person’s emotions. Keep your tone neutral and try to de-escalate the situation. If anger continues, propose to take a break and reschedule the session. 

   c. Defensiveness: Some people have a habit of deflecting responsibility, shifting blame, and providing constant justifications for everything that goes wrong. In case of defensiveness, steer the conversation back to the main issue. You can candidly discuss why they feel like it is not their responsibility and help them understand their role in a particular task or function. 

4. Maintain professionalism: Regardless of the employee's reaction, your professionalism sets the standard for the interaction. Avoid engaging in similar emotional responses. Instead, focus on the issues and guide the conversation toward constructive outcomes. This approach addresses immediate concerns and models appropriate workplace behavior.

5. Foster open communication: Encouraging a two-way dialogue is essential. Allowing employees to share their perspectives can provide insights into underlying issues and promote mutual understanding. Active listening demonstrates respect and can defuse potential defensiveness. A collaborative approach often leads to more effective solutions and strengthens the manager-employee relationship.

6. Address recurring emotional responses: When an employee consistently reacts emotionally to feedback, it's important to address this pattern directly. Starting a conversation about their typical responses can lead to greater self-awareness and developing coping strategies. Discussing how their reactions impact their professional image and exploring ways to manage emotions during feedback sessions can be beneficial.

7. Consider timing and environment: The context in which feedback is delivered can influence its reception. Choosing a private, comfortable setting minimizes distractions and potential embarrassment. Scheduling sessions at the end of the day allows employees time to process the information without immediate work pressures. Being mindful of timing demonstrates consideration for the employee's emotional well-being.

8. Provide follow-up and support: After delivering feedback, ongoing support is crucial. This may involve setting up additional meetings to discuss progress, offering resources for skill development, or simply checking in to show continued support. Such follow-ups reinforce the importance of feedback and demonstrate your investment in the employees' growth.

9. Invest in training and development: Investing in training programs that enhance emotional intelligence and communication skills can prepare managers for challenging feedback situations. Workshops or coaching sessions can provide strategies to handle various emotional reactions effectively, fostering a more resilient and understanding workplace culture.

10. Cultivate an open feedback culture: Promoting a culture that values open feedback and emotional intelligence starts at the organizational level. Encouraging transparency, empathy, and continuous learning creates an environment where feedback is viewed as an opportunity rather than a threat. Such a culture reduces the likelihood of negative emotional reactions and enhances overall employee engagement.

Conclusion

In the era of digital employee monitoring—often termed ‘corporate surveillance’—a wide range of stealth tracking tools are now available. Employers have a pool of tools and types of surveillance to select from: live video feeds, keypad tracking, optical character recognition, keystroke recording, location tracking, and, in some cases, screen captures to be shared with managers at regular intervals—in the name of monitoring and working with employees using behavior analytics.