Ask HR: Maintain Boundaries with Your Colleagues

SHRM President and Chief Executive Officer Johnny C. Taylor, Jr., SHRM-SCP, answers HR questions each week.

Do you have an HR or work-related question you’d like him to answer? Submit it here.

A colleague regularly interrupts my day with personal conversations. While I generally like talking to him, the chatting has become too frequent for my comfort level. How can I get a co-worker to dial it back so I can focus on work when I need to?  
— Conor  

It’s great that you enjoy talking with your colleague, but it’s understandable that frequent interruptions can impact your productivity. Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be awkward or rude; people often need guidance on when it’s the right time to chat.

Try starting with a polite but direct approach. You might say, “I really enjoy our conversations, but I have a lot on my plate right now. Can we catch up later?” If they don’t take the hint, reinforce your need to focus by using nonverbal cues, such as keeping your eyes on your screen or wearing headphones.

If the interruptions continue, consider setting clearer expectations. You could say, “I’ve been trying to stay more focused during work hours, but I’d love to catch up over lunch or after work.” This shifts the conversation without dismissing them entirely.

If all else fails, you may need to be firmer: “I’m on a deadline and can’t talk right now.” Most colleagues will respect your time once they understand your boundaries. 

Building relationships with colleagues can be beneficial. It helps create rapport, empathy, and trust among co-workers, reducing stress and improving communication. However, as you may have discovered, overdoing it can lead to diminishing returns and adverse effects. Therefore, finding a balance is essential to ensuring that workplace relationships remain positive and productive. With a little consistency, you can maintain a good working relationship while keeping distractions in check.

An interviewer casually asked me some borderline personal questions during a job interview. He asked me if my parents were from Georgia; he asked where my spouse works. In everyday conversation, these are normal, but in an interview, I feel like it’s out of place. Should I be concerned? Should I push back? — Katy  

It’s understandable that you found these questions out of place. While interviewers often try to build rapport, questions about your family background or spouse’s job can feel inappropriate in a professional setting.

While it’s not necessarily illegal to ask these types of questions, employers can’t base hiring decisions on personal details such as marital status, ethnicity, and family background. If the questions made you uncomfortable, you’re right to be cautious.

You have a couple of options. If the conversation moves in this direction again, try gently steering it back to the job by saying something like, “I’d love to focus on how my skills align with this role.” Suppose you’re unsure why the interviewer asked a particular question. In that case, you could also ask, “Could you clarify how this relates to the position?” This subtly signals your concern without escalating the situation.

If you remain uneasy about the experience, consider sharing your feedback with HR. They oversee hiring practices and should be made aware of any inappropriate or unprofessional interview techniques. Even though you’re an external candidate, HR should welcome your input as they are chiefly responsible for managing the recruitment process.  

Regardless of how you proceed, remember that an interview is a two-way process — you’re evaluating a potential employer just as much as they’re evaluating you. If something feels off, trust your instincts.