Mastering Assertiveness: Non-Verbal Techniques and Leadership Tips

Non-verbal assertiveness techniques: What to focus on, besides words? Tone, facial expressions, and body language.

It’s fascinating to realize that a staggering 55% of our communication is non-verbal, with only 7% being the actual words we speak and the remaining 38% conveyed through our tone of voice. This means that in meetings, interviews, and virtually any professional setting, people are paying much more attention to your body language and tone than to your words alone.

Imagine the implications of this: what you thought you communicated in that crucial meeting might not have been taken at face value. Instead, your listener was likely interpreting your body language and tone while you spoke, possibly giving them a completely different impression than you intended. Ever wondered what they might have been thinking while listening to you?

Actions Speak Louder than Words

When conveying empathy, a hug can express more than our words can ever express. At the workplace, a mere nod can show that you acknowledge someone or agree with someone. The opposite is also true. A narrowing of the eyes with the slightest shake of the head can indicate you do not agree with what someone just said. If you are not conscious of your body language and the listener is tuned to it, they can read you like a book. Our communication and behavior go hand in hand. We cannot say one thing and behave oppositely. 

Scenario:

Upon my strong recommendation, a renowned doctor agreed to meet a young physiotherapist. I arranged for the physio to join the meeting during my routine visit, intending to wait outside while they spoke. The doctor had already informed me it would be a quick discussion, just "5 minutes." He then asked me to remain seated as he conversed with the physio, and I soon found myself receiving a lesson on body language once the meeting concluded.

As they primarily conversed in Telugu, with occasional English translations for my benefit, I felt somewhat out of the loop and wondered what insights the experienced doctor was gathering from the young, hesitant physiotherapist. The interview extended beyond the expected duration, during which the doctor dominated the conversation. Upon concluding, he signalled to the physio that the interview was over. Naturally curious, I asked, "How was he?" The doctor responded, "He is good. I will refer patients to him for physiotherapy."

Intrigued, I pressed further, "I mentioned he is good, but how did you determine that, considering he didn’t speak much?" The doctor explained, "When I discussed ethics, he seemed pleased. Typically, those lacking ethics show a different reaction, which helps me discern their character." I appreciated this lesson on the importance of consciously interpreting body language. We may all observe body language instinctively, but do we do so with full awareness?

Words convey tone in a written message.

In the digital realm of work, the words we choose are closely tied to the tone we convey in written messages. Tools like Grammarly, a popular writing assistant, enhance our ability to express ourselves clearly and effectively. With features like tone suggestions, Grammarly's paid version offers samples of your email content in various tones, such as friendly or persuasive, as you write. This allows users to select the desired tone with a simple click, replacing the content accordingly. By using such tools, you can practice and refine your tone, making an informed decision about whether to continue with the assistance or write independently.

Assertiveness in Leadership

“Assertive communication in leadership involves stating clear expectations, being fair & transparent, and having difficult conversations when needed. This fosters trust, collaboration, and a positive work environment in any organization,” says Chitra Mathur, Global Head QA External—New Product Supply & Launch, Sandoz Private Limited, Hyderabad, India.

To convey criticism, leaders do not use harsh words but tact and a few crisp words. 

How an assertive boss handled a bossy manager.

Scenario:

During my tenure as a relatively junior staff member (returning woman) at work back in 2020, when everyone was working remotely, a senior marketing manager lady joined our team. We were engrossed in preparing for an upcoming webinar presentation with a tight deadline of 11 am the next day. Progress had been sluggish and it was past 7 pm when I noticed errors in the slides and brought them to the manager's attention. Despite the imminent webinar, the manager prioritized the 7 pm work day deadline over fixing the errors immediately. "This is not the way to work; you should have started the work a few days in advance. I will see it the next day," she responded, throwing her weight around a bit more.

This incident marked a departure from our workplace culture, which typically emphasized respectful communication and avoided direct criticism in front of others.

My boss, incidentally, was a role model of assertive behavior. He was copied in every email and wrote back to the manager, saying, “Cressida! Sangita is just a messenger. Please don’t shoot the messenger.” That is all, he said. Assertive leaders do not criticize their co-workers (in front of others), and when they do, it is with such brilliance that they set an example to others. 

Tips to be an Assertive Leader 

You do not have to be a leader by designation; be a leader by attitude. This was my biggest takeaway when I worked with a leadership skills and values training company that worked with young adults. 

Adopt these tips:

1. Be firm in making decisions. The biggest issue with leaders, managers, and supervisors is their lack of decision-making ability. If you are a leader, it is your job to make decisions. Do not deflect it onto your subordinates. Take input from all, but decide, and let everyone know your decision. They will thank you for it.

2. Communicate openly and honestly. If a manager is shrewd and manipulative, it will sooner or later come out in the open. People will also suspect from the body language and other involuntary non-verbal cues. No one will respect a dishonest leader. Eventually, this person will dig his own grave.

3. Give clear, concise direction. A leader who cannot give clear, concise direction should not be a leader. Unclear directions can confuse your employees and bring down their productivity, for no fault of theirs. Practice clear directions and your team’s performance and organization's productivity will shoot up.

4. Remain calm and approachable. Do not sit on a high horse since you are a boss. Leaders must always be approachable and remain calm in sticky situations. Your employees see you as a role model, so act like one.

5. Embrace opportunities to improve. Leaders also must keep learning. Stay hungry; stay foolish—a popular quote by Steve Jobs in his commencement speech at Stanford University in 2005 inspires continuous learning in leaders. Maintain a sense of curiosity, open-mindedness, and willingness to learn.

6. Address coworkers by their names. This is the most respectable and impartial way of addressing each coworker, including the boss. Using Sir/Madam is not required at the workplace to convey equality. Using nicknames is undesirable and often leads to people crossing coworkers' boundaries, intentionally or unknowingly.

7. Express your needs and emotions. Your team does not know what you want and need unless you articulate it. You can refer to the ‘I statements’ (shown in part 2 of this 4-part blog series) to practice expressing your needs. In showing your vulnerability by expressing your emotions, you are doing a huge favour to your coworkers. It will make them feel safe to express their emotions. 

8. Learn to say no. Saying no is an art. There are several ways of standing your ground or showing your assertiveness apart from being direct with a "no.". It is advisable to avoid directly and bluntly rejecting ideas or requests in the workplace. 

Some healthy alternatives are:

• Give a reason and leave out the word "no.” Instead of a flat refusal, provide a reason for your decision. This helps the other person understand your perspective without feeling rejected.

• Accept feelings: Acknowledge the other person’s feelings by saying something like, “I can see why this is so hard.” This shows empathy and understanding.

• Describe the problem: Explain the issue at hand by saying, “I would like to help you out, but this is the problem.” This clarifies your position and opens up a dialogue for finding a solution.

• When possible, substitute a “yes” for a “no.” Try to reframe your response positively, such as, “Yes, let’s do this right after this.” This keeps the conversation constructive and forward-looking.

• Give yourself time to think. If you’re unsure, buy yourself some time by saying, “Let me think about it.” This allows you to consider your response carefully without feeling pressured.

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