Witnessing a C-suite executive navigate a high-powered meeting with multiple partners, each with specific and sometimes conflicting agendas, highlights their remarkable ability to stand firm while fostering consensus and influencing others. Among the myriad qualities that enable them to articulate and advance their agendas, one attribute stands out prominently—the mastery of assertive communication.
As a soft skills trainer, I once came across the notion that more than 80% of workplace success can be attributed to effective communication alone. As per 2024 statistics on workplace communication, 86% of employees and executives cite the lack of effective collaboration and communication as the main cause of workplace disharmony. On the other hand, teams that communicate effectively may increase their productivity by as much as 25%. Following Pareto's Principle (also known as the 80/20 rule), those aiming for success should dedicate maximum time to refining their and their team's assertive communication skills.
Success at the workplace does not mean getting your way but being instrumental in building a better workplace. As leadership researcher Brene Brown says, “I am not here to be right. I am here to get it right.” Regardless of one's position in the workplace hierarchy, cultivating assertive behavior from the top management to the field worker, such that they can collectively contribute to building a better workplace, is crucial for organizational success and, consequently, everyone’s growth.
This blog delves into the pivotal role played by an attitude of respect for all in the dynamic world of work and how assertive communication and respect for all intertwine to drive success in the workplace.
What is Assertive Communication?
Assertive communication, rooted in "respect for all," is a vital skill, empowering individuals to effectively manage themselves, interact with others, and handle diverse situations. This skill enables individuals to influence others positively, fostering acceptance, agreement, or behavior change. Assertive communication reflects self-control, honesty with oneself, and transparency in dealings with others. The hallmark of assertive communication is the ability to express thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear, confident, and respectful manner while also listening actively and valuing the opinions of others.
According to Ratnesh Mittal, an independent management consultant, “Assertiveness is a cultivated behavior.” Endorsing assertive behavior, particularly in the Indian context where the cultural default is compliance and submission, Ratnesh says, “There is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. Aggressive behavior creates disharmony and evokes fear or rebellion. Assertion, on the other hand, ultimately leads to respect and an understanding of an alternate point of view.”
Understanding Assertiveness using the Respect Matrix
1. Respect for Self—No Respect for Others
How do you think a person who embodies this attitude behaves at work? Check the appropriate choices from the box. [LINK]
Could you guess what this type of behavior and communication is called? If you guessed aggressive, you are right. But if you think people who aggressively pursue their targets will be successful, you could be wrong.
2. Respect for Others—No Respect for Self
Continue the same exercise, i.e., check the appropriate boxes, as you did above, for 2. 3. and 4.
Could you guess what this type of behavior and communication is called? If you guessed Submissive, you are spot on.
3. No Respect for Self—No Respect for Others
Could you guess what this type of behavior and communication is called? If you guessed Passive, bingo.
If you exhibit this type of behavior, this is a red flag.
4. Respect for Self - Respect for Others
If this is you, congratulations, you have nailed it. Now, keep honing the skill.
No points for guessing this is called assertive behavior and communication and is the most sought-after but hardest to learn. We will tell you why.
Understanding the 4 Types Better
Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness: The Common Conundrum
In over 30 communication and behavioral skill training sessions for a large Indian bank, I have engaged with over 1,000 participants, discussing four key personality types. A common misconception arises when participants introduce each other by saying, “So and so is aggressive, hence successful (in sales/meeting targets),” suggesting that aggressiveness is a desirable trait.
The task of persuading a group of 30–40 professionals that aggressiveness is not a desirable attribute often falls solely on the trainer. Occasionally, we are supported by assertive members of the audience who convincingly demonstrate that the same work can be accomplished and targets achieved through assertiveness. These assertive co-workers share their success stories, helping others recognize the value of assertiveness.
The trainer, within the next 15 minutes, needs to convince them all that assertiveness is what we need, not aggressiveness, to meet organizational targets and career growth. If the participants begin to see clarity in why assertiveness outshines aggressiveness, you have achieved your breakthrough... until the next batch.
An aggressive manager will usually achieve targets and grow to a certain extent, though this is not likely to be sustained. One convincing example is your senior management.
Often, you will find individuals from senior management to be highly assertive vs. aggressive, and this is not happenstance. They have not paved their way up the career ladder by demanding work and obedience from their team members and subordinates. Instead, they have inspired others to work hard and meet targets and deadlines by influencing them with their excellent and assertive communication charisma. Your style of communication, choice of words, and non-verbal cues play a crucial role in influencing others to deliver their best or to just follow the check-in-the-box approach to working.
How likely are you to work in your manager’s absence is a great yardstick to measure their communication and behavior style.
Indra Nooyi, former CEO of PepsiCo, has been praised for her clear and concise communication style, reflecting a blend of assertiveness and respect for others. "You cannot overinvest in communication skills,” is her advice.
Pitfalls of Being Submissive
Individuals who exhibit submissive behavior need to understand the downsides of it.
When you do not respect yourself enough, you are hurting your feelings and suppressing your emotions constantly. Over a period spanning years, this continuous suppression of one’s thoughts and feelings become toxic, like a slow poison. This individual can find it challenging to be happy with the status quo and will eventually become aggressive, or worse, passive, in the long run.
Passive leads to poor growth
No respect for self or others; how can that be good from any perspective? People with this attitude do not bother about anything, especially growth, so they do not even try. Then this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you aim for nothing, you will get nothing.
Scenario:
In May 2014, a trainer was invited to New Delhi to train managers of a small manufacturing organization. The scorching heat and the fact that the training was scheduled on a Sunday made the participants grumble about the situation. The venue had poor air conditioning, adding to their discomfort.
- The trainer says: “Now you are telling me that you don’t want to do the training? I have come all the way from Mumbai. Now you are telling me. I will write the names of those who don’t want training, and I will send it to your boss. I know how to handle this!!”
Which communication style is he exhibiting?
The trainer says: “Sir, please don’t do this. I will not get paid, and I will not get any training in the future either. Please don’t do this to me. Please attend the training,” he pleads with folded hands.
Which communication style is he exhibiting?
The trainer says: “You don’t want training? I also don’t want training. Let us do one thing. Let us just write the names and put the signatures as if the training was completed. Then you can go and I can also go. I want to see Jantar Mantar.”
Which communication style is he exhibiting?
The trainer says: “I understand it is very hot and it is a Sunday, but the training is very good. I request you all to stay for half an hour. If you don’t like the training, you can leave. But, trust me, you will not want to leave. Shall we start?”
Which communication style is he exhibiting?
If you guessed aggressive, submissive, passive, and then assertive, you got them right.
So, which one of these styles would you like to adopt?
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