7 Rules to Thrive Under Fear-Based Leaders

Fear-based leaders have been around since the dawn of time. You see them on television as the characters Cersei Lannister, Frank Underwood, or Bobby Axelrod. You see them in some of the top CEOs today. And more than that, you know them when you feel them — they cause a distinctive sensation of waiting for the other shoe to drop (or some describe it as "walking on eggshells").

They rely on fear to motivate others because it's what motivates them. It's what they feel when they lie awake at night and their subconscious whispers, "Am I good enough? Do they like me?" Because it's what gets them up in the morning, it's how they choose to motivate the people around them, too.

Right now, these leaders are everywhere. More than one-third of U.S. leaders operate with a fear culture, resulting in leaders experiencing an average loss of 10 hours per week in productivity and $36 billion annually for their companies.

Employees often feel like they're jumping from the frying pan into the fire — every company they join seems to have someone deeply difficult at the helm. Fear-based leaders exhibit common behaviors such as relying on scare-tactics to achieve goals and focusing on results more than people. So, if you can't get away from them, how do you succeed under them? Follow these 7 rules to thrive in times of fear-based leadership.

Rule #1: Do not give fear-based leaders any information about what you care about. These types of leaders don't use carrots — they use sticks. You might think it's innocuous to tell them how much you love going to your kid's little league games — until they make you miss every game for a month because you failed to anticipate their needs closely enough. 

To them, caring about anything is weak — and the more you show your humanity, the less they'll tolerate you. When it comes to your actual work, do not show passion or energy about any particular initiative — unless it's one that they currently favor. 

Rule #2: Learn to love being underestimated. When people like this don't think you're capable, they treat you like you're an ugly vase in the room. If they think you're weak, beta, passive, or ineffectual, you become invisible. When you're invisible, you have much more freedom about what and when you do things that are important to you. Being underestimated can be a strategic advantage when leveraged correctly.

Rule #3: Validate their feelings. Remember these leaders are insecure, immature people, so even though you'll want to do the opposite, be compassionate. Frequently validate their feelings to earn their trust, which will earn you freedom and influence. As much as it might kill you, this sounds like, "That must be so hard … wow, no one understands you, do they?"

Rule #4: Find ways to make these leaders look good, so you're seen as useful and are kept around. In a system of alphas and betas, the number one thing a beta can do is push an alpha further up the pedestal. You won't be appreciated, but you won't be axed, either.

Rule #5: Don't shop for milk at the hardware store. Remember what these leaders are capable of, and don't expect them to be different than their nature implies. If you have low expectations of these leaders, you won't be disappointed.

Rule #6: Recognize there is a world outside the leader's circle. Make an effort to build a supportive community that reminds you of the type of person you want to be.

Rule #7: Protect your energy. Make a list of what recharges you and do those things often to make sure you have resilience.

 
Kate Lowry is a CEO coach, venture capitalist, and author based in Silicon Valley. An expert in fear-based leadership, Lowry developed her methodology growing up in a personal hierarchical family, then refined her approach in the elite worlds of start-ups, private equity, management consulting, and big tech at McKinsey New Ventures, Meta, and Insight Partners. She is the author of Unbreakable: How to Thrive Under Fear-Based Leaders.