Sharing a Dorm Room with Another Student? Consider These Tips

Sharing a dorm room or apartment with another college student can be challenging, especially if you don’t know each other very well. You and your roommate may even seem incompatible, with different ways of interacting with people.

But behaving civilly and courteously goes a long way toward maintaining a harmonious living arrangement, just as it can result in better work relationships.

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your roommate may not treat you with courtesy. It’s important to stay calm when you’re faced with incivility, said Seung Whan Ryu, SHRM-CP, an assistant professor of management at Sacred Heart University’s Jack Welch College of Business & Technology in Fairfield, Conn.

He is the winner of the SHRM Foundation’s 2024 Student Chapter Advisor Impact Award and has a master’s degree in HR and industrial relations from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, as well as a Ph.D. in management from the University of Iowa’s Tippie College of Business.

“Reacting impulsively can escalate the situation,” he pointed out. “Take a deep breath, collect your thoughts, and respond thoughtfully. Also, know when to disengage. If someone is persistently uncivil, it’s OK to set boundaries and limit your interactions with them. Protecting your physical and mental health should be your first priority.”

Basic Rules of Etiquette

Behaving civilly is not too different from interacting with family members by following basic rules of etiquette:

1. Respect the other person’s personal space—their need for privacy and quiet time—and clear it with them if you want to borrow something of theirs or invite friends over, just as you would want them to do with you.
2. Clean up after yourself. Keep common areas tidy, don’t leave your dirty dishes around the room and refrain from dumping your belongings in the other person’s space.
3. Communicate clearly, honestly and address issues as they arise.
4. Respect agreements on what you do and do not share and replace common items such as cleaning supplies and kitchen utensils. Don’t be that roommate who constantly uses up items but never replaces them, seemingly expecting the other person to do so.
5. Be mindful of your roommate’s schedule. Agree on quiet hours for studying or sleeping; you may need to get creative, such as wearing earbuds when studying as the other person listens to music.

‘Be Considerate’

The big picture is that both you and your roommate have the right to live in peace in your shared space, said Jennifer Gershberg, a former faculty member at the University of Maryland’s Robert H. Smith School of Business, where she received the 2019-20 Allen J. Krowe Award for Teaching Excellence.

Gershberg earned a J.D. from the George Washington University Law School and a bachelor’s degree from Cornell University. She is now a campus speaker and the founder of JG Talks.

“Be considerate—this includes maintaining a reasonably neat space, avoiding being loud or unruly, respecting your roommate’s sleep and studying needs” and the like, she said.

“If your roommate is doing something that you find really annoying or hard to live with, address it directly and promptly through kind, respectful, and honest communication.”

At the end of the day, “Respect and kindness are essential,” Gershberg said. “You don’t have to be best friends, but you need to live together in peace.”