The Connection Crisis at Work

Mo: [00:00:00] Welcome to today's episode of People and Strategy. I'm your host, Mo Fathelbab, president of International Facilitators Organization, People and Strategy is a podcast from the SHRM Executive Network, the premier network of executives in the field of human resources. Each week we bring you in-depth conversations with the country's top HR executives.

And thought leaders. For today's conversation, I'm excited to be joined by Dr. Tracy Brower, PhD sociologist and author of three books, the most recent of which is Critical Connections. Tracy's also the Vice President of Workplace Insights, Steelcase, a global furniture manufacturer. Welcome, Tracy.

Dr Tracy Brower: Thank you.

Looking forward to our conversation.

Mo: Thank you. Great to have you with us. So Tracy, let's get started with, how is the state of connection changing in the workplace right now? Is it changing?

Dr Tracy Brower: It is [00:01:00] changing, it is getting worse. It's really, um, quite acute right now. 50% of people globally say that they're lonely.

Um, people are increasingly saying that they feel disconnected from their colleagues. Um, 75% of people actually make their friends at work. But 69% of people today say they wish they had deeper relationships with the people around them. And this one is, is really, really shocking. Um, the number of people who believe that someone cares about them at work has declined from 47% of people.

That 38% of people. Lots of stats, but the takeaway message is that we are really feeling disconnected. We're feeling isolated. Work has an important role to play because we are increasingly disconnected in the world as well. We're, um, elevating convenience over connection. We don't talk to the barista anymore.

We order on the app, and we don't talk to the checkout [00:02:00] person. We get the delivery at our door. So work has a really important role to play in terms of connection. We're losing some of those connections as well. So it's a very big deal that we consider the importance of our emotional wellbeing, our cognitive, and our physical wellbeing, which are all related to connections.

Mo: So Tracy, you're singing to the choir. I love all of that. Here's my question for you, just as a follow up. Is this in service of doing something for, for you know, people to make the world a better place? Or is this better for business?

Dr Tracy Brower: Oh my gosh. It is such a both, and I talk about this all the time and now, now you're singing to the choir.

When we do the right thing for people, it is the right thing for business. When we do the right thing for people, we get. People who feel better about themselves, who have better esteem, who perform better, who stick around the organization, who are more energized. And so if we're looking for things like engagement [00:03:00] or performance or retention, doing the right thing for people really pays off for the business.

Mo: Okay. Well I love that. So in your new book, critical Connections, uh, there's a quote that says, if you're not terrified, you are not paying attention. So let's unpack that. What does that mean?

Dr Tracy Brower: I really think that we can be, uh, optimistic about building relationships, about renewing relationships, but I also think that we need to be realistic and pragmatic about where we are today.

And as we talked about, people are feeling increasingly disconnected. Here's the thing about that. Um, when we have two or three good friends, it actually moves the needle in terms of our health outcomes, um, in terms of things like heart disease and longevity and dementia and cancer and mental wellbeing.

So we need friends. We've already talked about, we make our friends significantly at work. But the other thing that is true is [00:04:00] friendship and peace are correlated. Work by Gallup has demonstrated that when we have more friends in a community, we actually have less incidents of civil unrest or violence.

We need to know the people around us and to the extent that we're feeling more lonely and disconnected and it impacts on us personally, that's a big deal. To the extent that we are lonely and disconnected and it impacts on us as a society, as workplaces, it's a very big deal. So we are very wise to pay attention.

And I think this is a signal, right? Like if we have a pain in our knee, it's a signal we need to do something about the knee or get better shoes for walking. This is a signal to us that we can improve and rebuild connection and community.

Mo: So, Tracy, I'm curious about two things. Number one, what has led to the connection decline that you mentioned?

Uh, and then number two, how can HR leaders actually measure connection to see how they're [00:05:00] tracking?

Dr Tracy Brower: Such good questions. I mean, what's led to the decline is a lot of our, uh, social media habits, a lot of our hybrid work habits, a lot of our habits around using technology instead of being together in real life.

We can think about measuring in lots of different ways. We can think about surveys, which give us medium level results, but we can also think about really looking at the outcomes that we care about. When people feel more connected, they tend to perform better, so we can look at performance. When people feel more connected, they're more likely to stay with the organization.

It is still true that we stay with the organization because we feel connected to our people at work because we have a friend at work. So we can look at metrics like retention. We can also look at metrics like engagement because we tend to be more engaged when we feel a sense of responsibility to the people around us and when we feel like we're known and seen by the people around us.[00:06:00]

Mo: And what is the role of HR as it relates to creating those connections?

Dr Tracy Brower: HR has such a role to play. We can think about being stewards of the culture. I know we talk about that all the time, right? We can also think about building systems for connection. Um, for example, one of the systems for connection is, uh.

Really having people collaborate and perform in terms of their goals and their, um, shared, uh, outcomes that they're working toward. Rolling up sleeves together is a really, really good way to build connection. Sometimes we think it's about team building and social activities and those matter, but also when we create systems where people are collaborating together on meaningful work, that's a big deal.

When we create systems where people feel accountable to each other and we can give feedback and receive feedback, that builds a culture of connection. Because we feel seen, because we feel like our work matters to someone [00:07:00] because we feel like somebody's paying attention to whether we're showing up that day.

Um, we can build systems for opportunities like. Affinity groups, we can build systems for opportunities like mentoring. Those kinds of practices and systems contribute to cultures where we feel respected, where we feel like we're seen, as I mentioned, where we feel like we can show up in a community where we're really working on common goals and a shared purpose.

Mo: Thank you for that, Tracy. That is great stuff and uh, I'm loving it. So, Tracy, there was a research study, uh, by the Workforce Institute at U-K-U-K-G. Uh, they found that 69% of people say their manager has a greater impact on their mental health than their therapist or doctor. Um, so why do you think the manager relationship has such a profound impact?

Dr Tracy Brower: This is incredible data, isn't it, Mo? And as a manager, you're thinking to yourself, oh, as if I need any more pressure, right? [00:08:00] But we can look at the positive side of it as well. We have an opportunity to influence. I think part of the reason that that is a really big deal is because our managers have so much control over our experience.

Mo: I think that is great. Great. And lots of wonderful examples. I totally agree with you. My question then is how do you as an HR leader make sure managers are doing this productively?

Dr Tracy Brower: That's a big deal too. I really believe that managers need some of their own safe groups where they can let their hair down.

We always talk about, you know, managers need to be transparent and they need to be open, and that is absolutely the case and. And they need a safe place where they're, when they're feeling a sense of responsibility and emotional labor in how they show up, in how they are paying attention to others. So from an HR perspective, I [00:09:00] think we can help to build those manager communities or even coaching payers where managers can have a safe space together because the stronger they are individually.

The more they can show up for others. That's one. Another one we talk about all the time, right, is development and learning opportunities for managers that are more formal, what are the principles of the organization? What are our processes for the organization? In what ways do we, um, look for managers to behave in alignment with our values as an organization?

That's another one. I think another is that we can be really careful about how we're hiring and how we're promoting managers. We're hiring for alignment with our culture and stretch, right in terms of where we wanna go. As a culture, we're holding managers accountable. One of the, one of the quotes that I really like is A culture is significantly determined by the worst behavior it will tolerate.

And we know, right? [00:10:00] Managers and leaders have a bit of a laser. We pay attention. We over index. What did they say? How did they show up? What was that look on their face today? So it's critical that we hold leaders accountable, not only for task, but also for relationship.

Mo: Thank you. Thank you, thank you. And when you talk about, um, the, the learning groups, the support groups, how do you structure those?

Dr Tracy Brower: I think we can structure them in a couple of different ways. One thing I really like is structuring them across departments, so you're really getting feedback from somebody who has a sense of objectivity. Um, they may not be in the same department, so they may just be able to be, uh, just a little bit more of a removed resource.

I think that works really well. I like small groups as well because I think we build a level of trust together more effectively. I've also seen some really great work on coaching peers where you can even get managers together and have them do a card sort [00:11:00] about what am I good at, what do I need help with, and then put them together with people who are kind of in the opposite camps, right?

Who can help and support and coach. There's a beautiful concept sociologically of dirt roads versus super highways. Dirt roads are when we have close relationships with somebody outside of our department and we see them now and then we're, we're kind of walking a dirt path between, um, ourselves and that other person.

Right. We see 'em for coffee, we get mentoring, we get coaching. A super highway is when we have broad relationships. Many people in my team know many people in your team. We have department crossover. We have great collaboration across team boundaries. That is a superhigh. And I think as we think about those manager relationships, we can think about mentoring relationships.

Where we're one-on-one on a dirt path, which is great, and we can think about embedding those relationships and those connections [00:12:00] within a network so that we've got super highways and a lot of different connections that are feeding that community.

Mo: I, I just have a beautiful image in my head there. Thank you.

We'll be back after this message.

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Mo: So you talked about loneliness earlier, and, uh, another interesting study is about the ROI of loneliness. Uh, sunny Workplace Research found that loneliness can cost employers an estimated $13,300 per lonely employee per year based on absenteeism, healthcare costs, and turnover. So why does loneliness have such a powerful impact on the workplace?

Dr Tracy Brower: This is fascinating, isn't it? And when you were asking earlier about, is this about people or is this about the business? This is one of the proof points. This is about the business, right? As much as it's about people. The reason that loneliness has such impacts is. Significantly about energy. When we feel lonely, we feel de-energized.

We feel demotivated, we feel disengaged. So we're less likely to perform at our best, even if we want to, even if we're really [00:14:00] committed to our work. It can be hard to get past that loneliness piece. Another thing that happens in terms of our social dynamics with loneliness is that we may not feel the same level of obligation or responsibility to other people.

One of the things that drives follow up, follow through and task completion is a feeling of proximity and healthy obligation. Like I know somebody else is counting on me. I can imagine the team member who's waiting for the thing that I need to get finished with. I can imagine where my deliverable is going next in the value chain, and so that sense of responsibility and obligation have a lot to do with loneliness.

And sometimes the other thing that happens with loneliness is we may not be as open to feedback or recognition. Like we may just not notice it as much because we feel a little bit more protective or isolated. And we may not ask for help as much either because we just don't feel as connected to [00:15:00] other people asking for help, getting feedback.

Um, giving help are a really important part of community. Sustainable communities. So that's another element that makes a big difference in terms of why loneliness matters to people in business.

Mo: Yeah. And in a hybrid workplace where, uh, people are distributed and leadership behaviors matter more than they did five years ago.

What do you suggest HR leaders do?

Dr Tracy Brower: Yeah, the hybrid is here to stay. We know there's data that more organizations are bringing people back more of the time for more hours in more regions, but we absolutely know based on research from University of Chicago and Stanford, that hybrid is here to stay. So we need to figure it out.

And I think you're right that leaders are under increasing pressure to hold people accountable even at a distance. Like the best leaders have always been about [00:16:00] results and outcomes, and less about whether they can see, you know, the whites of people's eyes in front of them every minute. Um, but that is even more true today.

So I think when HR can, um, empower leaders to, um, really focus on outcomes, when HR can really empower leaders to create a sense of proximity, that's a big deal. Um, proximity can be both real and perceived. There is. A lot of data on the power of presence and the power of place. When we are present and proximate together, we're more productive, we're more engaged.

There's lots of great outcomes. And when we feel more proximate, we know people better. We know more about them. We understand what's important to them. We understand what they need to be successful. That sense of proximity is also really critical. So when HR can build systems where we get to know each other.[00:17:00]

Where we are, um, even chatting at the beginning of a meeting and getting to know each other, even if it's a remote or a hybrid meeting, um, when we can assign tasks that are shared responsibilities. Those are the kinds of things that HR can do to create that sense of proximity, whether it's real and when it's perceived.

Mo: Wonderful. Now we touched a little bit about how to create connections. What are ways to foster just random moments of connections so that things are just organically happening?

Dr Tracy Brower: Hmm. Yes. Organically is a very big deal. There's some really interesting research actually, and um, it takes about 60. Hours to make a friend 60.

Isn't that incredible? So you think like, oh, that's, you know, an hour for coffee once a month and that's chatting for 15 minutes before my, I dunno, my yoga class or my kickboxing class, that adds up relatively slowly at work. It can add up a little bit more quickly. And the [00:18:00] thing that's interesting about that is that we tend to make friends more quickly when it's non obligatory.

Like I got together with you, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. And it's also helpful if it's obligatory and that is work. We get to get together in the project room or, um, or we get to gather when we're finishing the presentation that we need to do for our customer. And so those serendipitous, those spontaneous moments are also a big deal we can create.

Um, opportunities for planned inconvenience. Like we need to go to a, a elevator lobby at a certain floor in order to go to other floors, and that creates a sense of community on our shared floor. We can create planned inconveniences In terms of coffee machines, I worked with a really interesting, um, global, very, very high profile philanthropic organization, and you're gonna laugh.

They figured [00:19:00] out they had too many coffee stations, like it was too convenient to just grab coffee close to their desks. And so they're building a new building and they're gonna have planned inconvenience in terms of less places to get coffee 'cause they want more people to run into each other. I think another thing we can do is, um, really create, uh, almost like think about, uh, community-based design with a city center or a, or a really beautiful area where we come together in a piazza for a community.

Base and we can be together with others and run into each other and have that, um, informal conversation when we have places that bring us together that makes a difference. Um, and so those are some of the ways that we can build those planned inconveniences and serendipitous relationships.

Mo: You remind me of Tony Shea, the founder of Zapp.

He called them collisions. Right. And so he wanted people to work live, go to the dry cleaner, [00:20:00] go to the restaurant, go to the gym, all within one little area, and uh, he called them collisions.

Dr Tracy Brower: Exactly. Exactly.

Mo: Um, so from a leadership perspective, what is the difference between creating a culture of connection or simply encouraging collaboration?

Dr Tracy Brower: Ah, this is such a good one. I think sometimes we use connection and collaboration and we conflate those terms. We think they're the same thing. And I mean, collaboration is wonderful, right? We need to collaborate. We also need to focus and do other kinds of work as well. Collaboration is how we're working together.

And I think when we think about a culture of connection that is about our deeper level norms and behaviors, the way things get done around here, what people do when no one's looking. And I think when we're creating a culture of connection, we're more, uh, spontaneous as we talked about, right? Like people are reaching out to each other, not because they have to in the.[00:21:00]

Course of a project, but because they just want to get together, um, people are giving each other feedback. People are holding each other accountable. And so that sense of a culture where there is ubiquity in the connection makes a big difference. One of the things that we haven't talked about that I think is really, really helpful.

Is when we have onboarding and we do mentoring as an onboarding practice so people feel right away welcomed. Um, when I joined Steelcase, I had a buddy, um, I mean, I joined in a senior level role and I still had a buddy that I could just ask the dumb question or there's no dumb questions I could ask the question.

I didn't wanna ask my leader, right? Those kinds of things last for the long term, and they give us a sense of how things get done around here, bringing more of that to the surface so that we feel knowledgeable about how to get around the culture and how those connections will last us through our career.

Mo: Uh, great stuff. Can [00:22:00] you tell us about a real world example where you had a meaningful connection that has stuck with you?

Dr Tracy Brower: So many of those. Actually, it's really funny. We were just talking about buddies. When I joined the organization. Anne was my buddy. She's just incredible. And recently I was gonna be doing a call for about 500 people and Anne just showed up to the call.

She helped manage the chat. She helped manage the admittance to the virtual room. She was available to give feedback. She was just there when I needed her and I didn't even need to ask. And I think the takeaway messages are that is evidence of a personal connection where somebody was paying attention enough to offer help.

It is evidence of a culture where it just kind of happened that that connection was meaningful and didn't require a special system to, um, get [00:23:00] done. And I think it was evidence of a longer term relationship of the continuity of the culture, of the continuity of the relationship.

Mo: Great stuff. Tracy. What mistakes have you seen when trying to engineer connection?

Dr Tracy Brower: Ah, yes. I think the answer is in the question. I think that engineer connection, right? Um, it might be a little bit of an oxymoron. The thing that I think we can do, I do think we need to orchestrate connection. I think we have to be intentional about it. And the word engineer is a great word. I'm just playing a little bit on words.

I think one of the things that is a mistake is if HR leaders. Executives, leaders in any level of the organization aren't modeling that behavior. I just like if they're not starting with themselves. Somebody said to me one time years ago, you can't delegate relationships, which I just think is brilliantly said.

Each of the leaders and [00:24:00] each of the HR leaders that are in an organization need to model the, um, building of relationships, the long-term nature of relationships, the rapport that goes beyond just a network connection. It's not just how many LinkedIn connections we have, it's not just how many people we can reach out to.

Um, you know, if we're, if we're looking for help on the next thing in the organization. It's really how many. Trusting relationships we have. So I think one of the mistakes we can make is if we try to delegate that or if we believe that we can distance ourselves from it. I think the other mistake, um, leaders and HR leaders both can make is if we're just measuring connection as its own concept, I think we really wanna look at are we creating the conditions for connection?

Mo: Great stuff. So we can't let you go. Before, before talking about AI and automation. How you think that's going to impact us? Uh, maybe particularly as [00:25:00] it relates to relationship building.

Dr Tracy Brower: Yeah, Lala, this is scary times. If there's anything that keeps me awake at night, it's this, right? It probably keeps lots of us awake at night.

Um, there is evidence that more and more people are relating with AI instead of relating with real other people in the world. Um, there is evidence of something called AI psychosis where we start to have a relationship with an AI chat bot, and we start to believe that that's a real relationship. Um, the real thing I think we need to be careful of and intentional about is that we don't replace our relationships with ai.

Um, I was talking to a senior executive and he said, oh my gosh, I'm getting so much out of ai. I talk to AI all the time on my commute back and forth. I get all this great, uh, input and ideas. But he said, I realized I wasn't talking as much with junior members of my team. I wasn't talking as much with my [00:26:00] family when I got home, and I really liked the way that he was really realizing that he was almost replacing some of those critical connections with others with ai.

So I think we can be really cognizant and intentional about when we're using ai, maybe we're using AI for more of our left brain activities, we're increasing our effectiveness in our. Efficiency in our analytical work, but we're not getting our relationship needs met through AI because that is something that we don't wanna seed to ai.

We want to maintain that for ourself in terms of our own relationships. So I think it's about more time in real life with other people and being intentional about how we're using ai.

Mo: Thank you, Tracy. And the last question for you, what is one piece of advice that has shaped your work or personal life?

Dr Tracy Brower: I've had so much good advice over the years. You know, I, I worked for, [00:27:00] I worked for a really, uh. A really difficult boss. He was very, you know, gruff and difficult for many people. I got along with him really well 'cause his expectations were really clear and he had really good ideas and great feedback. And I'll never forget I went to him one time with this huge win.

We had just started a new department. We had this huge win and he was like, Tracy, don't get too excited about that because there will be losses as well. And so he just had this great way of keeping perspective, get excited about the things that are great, but also know that there will be ups and downs.

And so his advice was about really keeping perspective. Understanding the long term, bringing your commitment to both wins and losses so you can keep committed over time. I just thought that was great advice.

Mo: Wonderful. And that's where we'll [00:28:00] end it for this episode of People and Strategy. A huge thanks to Tracy for your valuable insights.

Dr Tracy Brower: Thank you.

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