Viewpoint: Caught in the Middle

Sharon is an HR generalist for a 100-employee public relations firm, and she reports to Laura, a CEO who prides herself on her leadership, communication and team building abilities.

However, there is a nagging problem that consumes too much of Laura's time in the C-suite and that leaves staff members feeling awkward and like they're walking on eggshells: Laura's executive assistant and the company receptionist can't seem to get along with one another. Both individuals run into Laura's office to complain about the other person on a fairly regular basis; claims of pettiness, lack of effort, rudeness and other snubs seem never-ending. Laura realizes that each individual complains about the other in exactly the same way and alleges many of the same things, in particular a lack of respect or trust in the other's willingness or ability to do his or her job.

How can Sharon help Laura put an end to the complaints? More importantly, how can Sharon help Laura reset team expectations to stop not only the drama but also the spiraling accusations and traps that the two appear to be setting for one another?

"Sharon needs to counsel Laura that both Laura's executive assistant and the company receptionist need to raise their awareness about how they're coming across to the CEO and to everyone else on the team," said Judith Enns, Ph.D., executive vice president at Eastridge Workforce Solutions in San Diego. "Further, Laura needs to stop allowing herself to be placed in the middle of their dispute, no matter how much Laura prides herself on having an open door to all of the firm's employees." 

[SHRM members-only content: Conflict Resolution Policy]

The healthiest place to start is with HR, since conflict management and dispute resolution clearly fall under HR's umbrella.

Sharon wisely recommends to Laura a strategy that allows both employees to feel heard and supported. Rather than sitting both employees down at the same time and insisting that they stop the ongoing antagonism and tension, it's better for Laura and Sharon to plan two sets of meetings over a two-day period. On the first day, they can both meet with each employee to hear the individual's side of the story and to demonstrate their support and understanding. On the second day, the four of them will hold a group meeting to reset expectations and move forward on a healthier basis.

"Adults can't typically fix both the what of the problem and the how of the solution on the same day and in the same meeting," Enns counseled. "They typically need to hear the other person's side of the story and to sleep on it to be able to walk a mile in the other person's shoes and make themselves part of the solution. When they own their own solutions, they can act."  Here's how Sharon opened the meeting, which Laura attended to ensure full transparency and total understanding all the way around. (We'll call the executive assistant and the receptionist Joe and Vanessa, respectively, in our example.)

"Joe, Laura and I called this meeting with you to share our concerns about the ongoing tension between you and Vanessa. It appears you and Vanessa struggle to keep the peace, and Laura feels like you're each in and out of her office way too frequently complaining about the other. It has also risen to the level of being a workplace disruption issue because others are noticing it and informing Laura that they're uncomfortable when you and Vanessa are together. People have told Laura that they feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you both when you're together and that they'd prefer to cut a wide swath around you rather then deal with you directly when you're angry.

"Here's how we intend to handle this, Joe. Both Laura and I want to hear your side of the story in terms of what's driving the ongoing antagonism and tension between you and Vanessa. We're here to support you individually and as a team, but we've got to reset expectations and reinvent the relationship by giving you both a fresh start. Here's the catch, though: Everything you tell us now is something we're going to share with Vanessa immediately after this meeting. Likewise, we'll meet with her after this meeting to learn about her side of the story and inform her that we're going to provide you with her feedback before the end of the day.

"At that point, all the ghosts will be out of the closet in terms of what the problems are, what historically led to them and why there may be resentments lingering between the two of you. I'll ask you both to reflect on the other's input tonight and give thought to what you can change about your own behavior to elicit a different response from the other person from this point forward.

"Tomorrow morning at 8:30 a.m., we're then going to meet as a group—all four of us. In that meeting, we're going to address the matter professionally and focus on the how of it all—how we move forward from here, how we handle ourselves relative to the rest of the staff, and how we can assume good intentions to build a stronger sense of camaraderie and teamwork.

"Let's be clear: After tomorrow morning's meeting, we're re-welcoming you both back to the company for a fresh start. We're not going to ask you to forgive; in fact, we're not even going to ask you to forget. But we are going to ask you to assume good intentions, rethink your commitment to our firm and hold yourselves accountable for managing how you present yourself to your co-workers, which in both your cases has been negative and to your detriment."