Love at Work: Navigating Risk, Power, and Policy

This transcript has been generated by AI and may contain slight discrepancies from the audio or video recording.

Monique: Friendly on the surface. A burning desire underneath workplace romances don't always raise red flags right away, but when personal relationships cross professional lines, the risk can escalate quickly. Welcome to Honest HR, where we turn real issues facing today's HR departments into honest conversations with actionable insights.

I'm your host, Monique Akanbi. Let's get honest. Today we're diving into legal risks of workplace romances and why even consensual relationships can create serious challenges for organizations. We'll unpack what employers often get wrong when a workplace relationship comes to light. How power dynamics, perception, and policy shape legal exposure, and what HR leaders can do when relationships end, shift, or move into digital spaces.

Joining us is Jenn Betts, an employment law expert from Ogletree Deacons law firm, who helps organizations navigate these situations before they become legal disputes. Welcome to Honest HR, Jenn.

Jenn Betts: Thanks, Monique. I'm really happy to be here.

Monique: I am happy too, and I am happy to dive into this topic of workplace romance. So according to newly released SHRM research on women in the workplace, almost half of US workers surveyed have been in or are currently in a workplace romance relationship. Why does this fundamentally change how HR should approach or think about risk, culture, and policy around workplace relationships?

Jenn Betts: So yeah, great question. My perspective about workplace romance is that they are inevitable. But I will say just like at the outset of this podcast, I look at myself as a workplace romance pathologist, and the reason I say that is my parents were in a workplace romance, and I am a product of a workplace romance. So I would not exist if workplace romances were completely outlawed in the United States.

But the reality is a lot of people meet their significant other or their spouse or somebody that they're dating at the workplace. I think what I would say to the HR professionals who are listening to this podcast is recognize that this is a reality. When it goes well, you can have a happy ending like my existence, but when it goes bad, it can go really, really, really bad.

But it is inevitable. It is happening. So I think HR professionals need to have a very eyes wide open approach because of the significant interpersonal cultural risks, environmental risks, and PR and legal risks that can come from a workplace romance that goes badly. So my big message is recognize that this is a reality and put in place procedures and mechanisms to address it because it will happen no matter how big or small your workplace is.

Monique: So you're telling me there would be no Jenn?

Jenn Betts: There would not. And my parents worked for the federal government too, which is really risky with workplace romance, so yep.

Monique: That is, I don't think I knew that about you. Okay. So Jenn, in your career representing employers, what is the most common mistake you see companies make when they first learn about a romance between a manager and a direct report?

Jenn Betts: So managers and direct reports, as I think everybody who's watching this podcast knows, that's the messiest, most risky, most problematic type of workplace romance. Your question is the biggest mistake. Biggest mistake I would see and I have seen, and I'm sure I will see again, is that HR management sometimes takes workplace romances between a manager and a subordinate a little too informally.

So there's like an initial, okay, let's see how this plays out. They say it's consensual. Everything seems fine. It's not documented. You don't put in place like a love contract. You don't move one or more of the people in the relationships, and then things spiral out.

So the best way to address that: take workplace romances seriously. Create clear documentation and make sure in all instances, regardless of who is involved and whether you're friends with them or not, that you follow policy, follow procedure, and make sure you handle it the right way from the outset before it spirals out of control.

Monique: Yeah, because I think about the power dynamics, especially when it's that manager direct report, right. So it could get, you know, and just as you share, you know, everything's great until it isn't.

Jenn Betts: Completely. And it's not just the people in that relationship that can create major problems. When you have a manager and subordinate, it's the coworkers who think, oh, like Jenn is dating Steve. Steve's the boss. Who's gonna get a better raise and a bonus? Probably gonna be Jenn. That's where you can also have a lot of issues that unfurl if you're not handling it appropriately.

Monique: Yeah. You mentioned organizations or even sometimes HR treating workplace romances informally. And many organizations, they struggle whether to have a formal policy on workplace relationships. From your experience, what are the pros and the cons of having a clearly defined policy?

Jenn Betts: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's easy to sit here and say you should have a policy and you should always follow your policy, but the real world is messy. A one size fits all approach to workplace romance policies does not work. You have to look at the circumstances of the workplace. The approach that a giant multinational company may have about workplace romance policies is not gonna work for a small family owned organization that only has 20 employees, right?

So my recommendation, pros and cons: pros. If you have a workplace romance policy, you can have clear guidelines, clear expectations, clear reporting rules, clear processes for how you're gonna handle it. That ensures consistency and ensures fairness and ensures transparency. Those are all positives for us from an HR and a legal perspective.

Cons of having workplace romance policy: if it doesn't work for your workplace, people won't follow it. And then you're actually creating bad evidence for yourself and creating more unease and discomfort with coworkers. It also can feel like Big Brother is watching you. So from like a cultural perspective, having a really heavy handed policy can turn off employees and you could have retention issues.

So how do you navigate through that would really be just be thoughtful about scoping. When you're drafting a policy like this, make sure that you're taking into consideration what is our workplace, what's gonna work for us. And you're not just taking something off the shelf that you found on the internet or that somebody sent to you. You gotta customize it to your operations and what's gonna be workable.

Monique: Yeah. And along the lines of policies, so what are the essential components of an effective anti-harassment policy, and how often should it be reviewed and updated to address issues like office romances?

Jenn Betts: So there's some clear guardrails that you wanna put in place in a workplace harassment training program or policy. You really wanna have a very clear and explicit prohibition on harassment and retaliation. That should be in any policy about workplace romance. You should have some examples of what the romance could look like, what reporting should look like.

You should have multiple reporting channels, right? Like if the romance is with your manager and you're supposed to report it to your manager, that's not gonna work. You wanna have HR reporting channels, other management team channels. You wanna have notice in there about what are gonna be the consequences if you fail to comply with the policy, and then you wanna integrate it with your general anti-harassment and retaliation policy.

You should review these policies at least annually. And if there are changes in your organization, the reporting structure, complaint structure, you should update that policy. I always say to HR, you should put all your policies on annual review cycle. It's good. There's like policy season where our clients every fall will reach out to us and say, okay, apply for us to put it on the cycle with your policy season. Even if you're not making changes, make sure somebody takes a gut check, look at it every year and makes any updates that are necessary or appropriate given any changes in your organization or the laws.

Monique: So in your opinion, do you believe that it is a good practice for two employees that are in a romantic relationship or kind of see it becoming a romantic relationship to disclose that to the organization?

Jenn Betts: I think in most instances the answer is yes. I think it has to be mandatory if it's a supervisor and a subordinate. If it's two coworkers who are in a romantic relationship, if a friend called me and they told me that they were in a romance with a co-worker, I would tell them to reach out to HR and make sure that you were complying with any expectations from your organization.

Monique: Got it. So question, another question to that. So when this is disclosed, what documentation or guardrails should HR put in place immediately to protect both the employees involved and the organization?

Jenn Betts: Yeah, you are gonna wanna document things like the date of the disclosure in writing, confirmation that it's voluntary in writing, that you've notified both employees involved what happens if it stops being voluntary or they have concerns who they should reach out to. You wanna put in writing that it's clear that there's a non-retaliation rule.

If it is a manager and a subordinate, in most organizations, what you're gonna wanna do is you're gonna wanna change the reporting channels so that the subordinate is no longer reporting to that manager. And you usually, if you can at all avoid it, you don't wanna make any changes to the subordinate's reporting structure that could be perceived as negative. You know, you don't wanna downgrade their title, give them any kind of demotion or change in pay or practice. You wanna try to set in place any kind of rules or changes that make sure that you're treating everybody the same as before when they had that report.

And then the thing that sometimes gets lost when you're doing this documentation and setting in place guardrails is you wanna kind of calendar a follow up from HR. I would say in six months would be a good best practice. Sometimes what happens is there's a report, there's some documentation collected, it's put in a file and then it's sort of left there. But HR should really do like a wraparound, reach out to both members to make sure everything's going okay, and if there's Spidey senses telling them there's a problem, then you may need to do a more formal investigation and take additional steps.

Monique: We'll continue the conversation in just a few moments. Stay with us.

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Monique: What kind of training is most effective for managers and employees just to help them understand like the company's stance on workplace relationships and harassment prevention?

Jenn Betts: So this is some, I love doing training and harassment training and workplace romance training. Some of my favorite ones. My recommendation to all clients, it's not always feasible, but my recommendation, the most effective training on this topic, and really almost every topic is to do scenario based role playing examples in the training, ideally live. You can do it virtually too. A lot of our clients do virtual training, but you wanna have scenarios and walk through where there are problems.

You wanna have more in depth training for members of the management team so they know what the expectations of them are from a reporting perspective. And also if they're involved in a workplace romance, it's very important that they understand what the company's expectations are. And the scenarios are important that they're real scenarios and not a joke.

We've all sat through harassment training or workplace training, and there's like these cheesy scenarios that everybody kind of laughs off and it sort of undermines the whole training because people tend to not take it seriously. Scenarios are great, but they have to be realistic scenarios that fit for your workplace.

And so what I mean by that is if you have a fully remote workplace, you should have scenarios based on a fully remote workplace, not one where people are in the office creeping around and having an affair. You wanna fit your real world with your training so people can think about it in the context of their experience and their work life.

Part of that training should be clarity about what the resources are. People have questions, where to find policies, how to reach out to HR. And again, you always wanna emphasize non-retaliation and make sure that that's part of the training as well.

Monique: So as you're talking, I'm thinking, ooh, you do a lot of trainings. Is there a specific scenario or actually an actual workplace romance that you maybe had to encounter or deal with or help an organization navigate?

Jenn Betts: Oh my god, so many. But let me think of one that's like semi salacious. I have had a lot of cases where there are perceived workplace romances and then a major dispute about whether a romance happened.

And there's a lot of cases that I've handled where there's like a manager who will walk around in a cubicle structure and will linger at one person's cube on a regular basis, and then maybe people see that person after hours having a drink with that person. We do a big investigation. There actually isn't a workplace romance, but it's the perception of that romance that causes issues and complaints with coworkers.

So I like to do scenarios based on not just the romance that's happening, but when coworkers think one is happening and what that can do in terms of legal risks, but also cultural impact in the workplace.

Monique: Yeah. That can spread like wildfire. I see that now, right? Totally. All you need is for one person to say, oh, you know, such and such is dating such and such. And the next thing you know there's this entire relationship that's been built up.

Jenn Betts: Totally.

Monique: So Jenn, even when a relationship is truly consensual and coworkers may perceive favoritism or retaliation, how much do perceptions matter legally and how should employers address them?

Jenn Betts: Yeah, it's such a great question, and it's like that scenario I was just talking about. It's a great kind of transition. So from a legal perspective, perceptions actually really do matter. The biggest claim that you have to be worried about with the people who aren't involved in the relationship is a retaliation or a hostile work environment claim.

And if somebody raises a concern or a complaint, what the law looks at is do they have a good faith belief that something is happening and that they're being treated differently or that there's a problem in the workplace? If they have that good faith belief, which is based on perception, they're probably gonna be protected under the law and they're gonna have a viable claim against your organization.

And that's the space where HR can make a big difference in addressing that perception, communicating with coworkers, making clear what the expectations are, what the policies are, and really getting in the mix to try to alleviate the concerns of the coworkers.

There's like the legal issues and then there's like the practical issues where people are running around perceiving that something is happening. They're not gonna be happy at work. Even if they don't leave, even if you retain them, they're not gonna bring their best self to the workplace if they're worried that they're being treated differently because Jenn and Steve are having an affair, right?

So you gotta nip it in the bud as quickly as you can. You get a whiff that people are gossiping about a workplace romance and that people have concerns. HR really needs to intervene as quickly as they can.

Monique: So when a consensual relationship comes to an end, it can create a difficult work environment. And in fact, 35% of SHRM survey respondents say their work environment became negative following the breakup.

Jenn Betts: Yeah.

Monique: What steps should HR and management take to handle those post breakup scenarios professionally and prevent those potential conflicts?

Jenn Betts: Yeah, well, number one. Critically important for HR to ensure if it's a manager and a subordinate, that the subordinate is not in any way penalized by the end of the relationship, reporting the end of the relationship, any fallout or issues related to the relationship. That is a clear legal issue for an organization. You have major liability risks in a scenario like that, so HR intervening early to check in with the subordinate and then on a regular cadence thereafter to make sure there's not that additional fallout. Super, critically important.

With respect to the coworkers and sort of like bleeding out amongst like a work team, what I would say about that is HR can offer support. They can do check-ins, they can reset behavioral expectations, they should check, they should take any concerns raised by a co-worker really, really seriously. They should reach out to the manager. They should document a meeting with both coworkers after a breakup of a relationship that they become aware of, reinforcing what the company's expectations are, reinforcing that they should come back to HR if they have any concerns.

But early and quick intervention with the employees who are involved and any other coworkers that they hear have concerns. Super important to try to mitigate legal claims as well as interpersonal issues in the workplace.

Monique: That's good. So with remote work, and especially in today's environment, we have a lot of remote work and we use multiple forms of technology, whether that's Slack DMs or after hour texting. Technology has complicated workplace romance cases. So what new risks are employers often underestimating when it comes to the use of technology and workplaces?

Jenn Betts: Well, number one, right? All of that stuff that you were just talking about, Slack, text, that creates documents and evidence and records, right? Like I'm a lawyer. Like that could be really, really problematic for a case and an organization because all this stuff is in writing now. So it might, it used to be hard sometimes to find out if a relationship was happening because it's like a he said, she said scenario. If we got the text, we know what's happening with everybody involved in that situation.

So number one, like recognize that in our digital world people are communicating in a whole bunch of different channels and you have access to a whole lot of different records that could be really problematic for your organization.

Number two, I think, and I just was on a call with a client yesterday and they made a comment like, oh, there can't be any harassment or issues because everybody's remote and how are they gonna harass a co-worker over Teams? And I had to say it happens all the time. I think people don't take it as seriously as they need to sometimes, that these issues of romances, workplace relationship harassment, hostile work environment can happen in a digital environment just as easily as they can happen in a real world environment.

Companies need to make sure that their policies and their practices are tailored for the reality of their workplace and that they have a clear policy statement that harassment, hostile work environment, all of these issues will not be tolerated regardless of whether it's face-to-face, after hours, or on a digital platform.

Monique: So as we're wrapping up, I have one more question for you, Jenn. And looking for what is one key piece of advice you would give HR leaders to proactively manage the complexities of love in the workplace and foster a culture that is respectful?

Jenn Betts: So the number one thing that I have seen really go bad sometimes is when people keep workplace romances a secret. Everybody knows, or everybody thinks they know. If two people are in a relationship, like you think you're being sly, your coworkers are all up on it, they know what's happening, right? Or they think they do.

What can be helpful for an organization is if they create a culture or foster a culture or an environment of non-punitive disclosures. So if people know that if they report that there's not gonna be any kind of like punitive, problematic repercussions for them because we have this open culture as an organization, it can help eliminate the secrecy issue.

And when people are trying to keep it a secret, their coworkers think that the reason they're keeping it a secret is because there are problems. And that's what starts the rumor mill to heat up even bigger.

So what I would say to people watching this podcast is if you can create an environment where you have a clear policy, encouraging disclosure, and that disclosures are handled in a serious but non-punitive way, that can really put you in the best possible position to avoid legal issues, but also cultural issues in the workplace, which is what HR is all about.

Monique: Thank you so much, Jenn, for that. I'm just thinking like there's good out of workplace romances, right? Because Jenn wouldn't be here if there wasn't a workplace romance. But what I believe is important or a key takeaway, just to kind of reemphasize what you shared with our audience, is just to be proactive, to address it head on. Not to let our perception become reality, even if that's not the reality, in most situations. So Jenn, thank you so much for sharing your insights with us.

Jenn Betts: My pleasure. Happy to be with you. Happy Valentine's Day.

Monique: Happy Valentine's Day, right. So that's going to do it for this week's episode of Honest HR. We'll catch you next time. Hello, friends. We hope this week's episode gave you the candid tips and insights you need to keep growing and thriving in your career.

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