Managing Yourself: The Leadership Skill HR Can’t Ignore

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Nicole: You cannot control the market. You cannot control the inbox. You cannot control every decision happening around you, but you can control yourself. Yet, self-management is often the first skill to slip when pressure rises.

Nicole: Welcome to Honest HR, where we turn the real issues facing HR departments today into honest conversations with actionable insight. I am your host, Nicole Belyna. Let's get honest.

Nicole: Today we are discussing the one leadership skill that does not show up on a dashboard but drives everything: the ability to manage yourself. According to SHRM's Price of Success Report, nearly half of workers agree that their career advancement negatively impacted their physical and mental health.

We will unpack how unmanaged stress creates ripple effects. We will explore why the traits that fuel high achievement can quietly turn into self-sabotage, and why every promotion requires more than just a few new responsibilities.

Nicole: Joining us is Marisa Krafsig, CHRO at INT Teledyne, where she leads the strategic development of HR practices supporting growth. Welcome to Honest HR, Marisa.

Marisa Krafsig: Thank you. It is a pleasure to be here.

Nicole: It is great to have you. We will jump right into the questions. Many HR leaders understand emotional intelligence frameworks, like self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy.

Knowing the model is quite different from practicing it under pressure in high-stakes moments. What does emotional intelligence actually look like in real time for HR leaders?

Marisa Krafsig: For HR leaders, emotional intelligence in real time looks calm, composed, and steady, especially when the pressure is on. It is not just a demeanor; it is how we show up when it matters most, and it is hard to do.

HR never just responds to a situation. We model the culture in every situation. Like it or not, all eyes are on us.

Employees watch how we handle pressure, how we respond when tensions rise, when conflict escalates, and when decisions feel uncomfortable. How we show up either reinforces our culture or erodes it.

Emotional intelligence shows up in HR through self-awareness. First, I take a pause and acknowledge my feelings. I might admit that I feel uncomfortable, stressed, anxious, or even disrespected.

I recognize whatever it is in the moment and name it. Then, I choose not to let that impact how I respond.

The second component is regulation. This is where I bring in a calm tone and a steady voice to even out the situation. Slowing my pace often helps me take control.

HR acts as the emotional barometer of the organization. If we escalate right along with the situation, employees learn that this behavior is acceptable. When we remain calm and composed, we model the behavior we expect from others.

The last element is bringing empathy. We bring curiosity and come without judgment to listen, create a safe space, and ensure people feel heard and respected.

HR serves as a model for the organization on how to behave under pressure. Emotional intelligence is not a soft skill; it is a leadership action that reflects the values we stand for.

Nicole: HR leaders certainly feel stress, but it comes down to how we manage it. What is the first clue that a leader's stress is starting to affect business operations, even if results still look good?

Marisa Krafsig: Look at the people and the tone of the team. When a leader stresses out, you will start to see subtle signs. They lose patience, collaboration drops, and voices might rise.

The focus shifts from growing and developing people to just getting through the day. Both the leader and the employees experience this shift, and the team feels it immediately.

Watch the behavior of the people on the team and their meeting cadence. Notice how employees act in meetings. Initiative drops, people withhold ideas, and they start to withdraw from the team.

You will see less energy, less innovation, and fewer risks taken. Involvement in employee events and meetings drops because employees feel they do not matter and are not valued.

The real business outcomes of leadership stress translate directly to the team and create tangible impacts. We see lower engagement scores, more frequent negative reviews, and reduced quality and service to clients and customers.

We also see higher absenteeism, increased medical costs, and higher turnover. Leadership stress definitely shows up in the culture, so pay attention to the people.

Marisa Krafsig: Thank you. It is a pleasure to be here.

Nicole: It is great to have you. We will jump right into the questions. Many HR leaders understand emotional intelligence frameworks, like self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy.

Knowing the model is quite different from practicing it under pressure in high-stakes moments. What does emotional intelligence actually look like in real time for HR leaders?

Knowing the model is quite different from practicing it under pressure in high-stakes moments. What does emotional intelligence actually look like in real time for HR leaders?

Marisa Krafsig: For HR leaders, emotional intelligence in real time looks calm, composed, and steady, especially when the pressure is on. It is not just a demeanor; it is how we show up when it matters most, and it is hard to do.

HR never just responds to a situation. We model the culture in every situation. Like it or not, all eyes are on us.

Employees watch how we handle pressure, how we respond when tensions rise, when conflict escalates, and when decisions feel uncomfortable. How we show up either reinforces our culture or erodes it.

Emotional intelligence shows up in HR through self-awareness. First, I take a pause and acknowledge my feelings. I might admit that I feel uncomfortable, stressed, anxious, or even disrespected.

I recognize whatever it is in the moment and name it. Then, I choose not to let that impact how I respond.

The second component is regulation. This is where I bring in a calm tone and a steady voice to even out the situation. Slowing my pace often helps me take control.

HR acts as the emotional barometer of the organization. If we escalate right along with the situation, employees learn that this behavior is acceptable. When we remain calm and composed, we model the behavior we expect from others.

The last element is bringing empathy. We bring curiosity and come without judgment to listen, create a safe space, and ensure people feel heard and respected.

Nicole: HR leaders certainly feel stress, but it comes down to how we manage it. What is the first clue that a leader's stress is starting to affect business operations, even if results still look good?

Marisa Krafsig: Look at the people and the tone of the team. When a leader stresses out, you will start to see subtle signs. They lose patience, collaboration drops, and voices might rise.

Marisa Krafsig: The focus shifts from growing and developing people to just getting through the day. Both the leader and the employees experience this shift, and the team feels it immediately.

Marisa Krafsig: Watch the behavior of the people on the team and their meeting cadence. Notice how employees act in meetings. Initiative drops, people withhold ideas, and they start to withdraw from the team.

Marisa Krafsig: You will see less energy, less innovation, and fewer risks taken. Involvement in employee events and meetings drops because employees feel they do not matter and are not valued.

Marisa Krafsig: The real business outcomes of leadership stress translate directly to the team and create tangible impacts. We see lower engagement scores, more frequent negative reviews, and reduced quality and service to clients and customers.

Marisa Krafsig: We also see higher absenteeism, increased medical costs, and higher turnover. Leadership stress definitely shows up in the culture, so pay attention to the people.

Nicole: Absolutely. Sometimes when leaders start feeling stressed, they abandon their routines. They might cancel regular meeting cadences, and employees might start complaining about reactive behavior rather than staying on track with a long-term strategy.

Nicole: These day-to-day issues quickly cascade into larger business implications. If HR treated executive self-management as a real business risk instead of a nice-to-have, what would we actually do differently?

Marisa Krafsig: First, we would normalize these conversations at the top. Stress management would not feel personal. We would define clear leadership expectations around composure, steadiness, and emotional discipline.

Marisa Krafsig: How a leader shows up is critical, and we would recognize it as part of how we do business. Second, we would have candid conversations right at the onset. Intervening early is important.

Marisa Krafsig: Instead of waiting for big blowups or burnout, we would address the subtle signs immediately. We would leverage executive coaching and hold frequent one-on-one conversations to check in. This ensures leaders properly manage their stress and have the necessary tools available.

Marisa Krafsig: Third, we would measure it by looking at 360-degree data, new hire information, and exit surveys. We would treat this information with the same rigor as any operational metric.

Marisa Krafsig: Finally, we would hold ourselves accountable for modeling this behavior and hold each leadership team MEMBER accountable for the tone they set. If they refuse or are unable to self-regulate, we would treat it as a business liability.

Nicole: Those are excellent points. During the hiring process for a new executive, we can dig into how someone self-manages during a crisis. We can look for grace under pressure and evaluate how they handle pivotal moments.

Nicole: Asking specific questions helps us understand where leaders faced tests in the past and how they handled those situations. In many organizations, the people who get promoted into leadership roles are often the most driven, highest-performing individual contributors.

Nicole: But once they step into people management, do those same traits ever start working against them?

Marisa Krafsig: Absolutely. What got them there will not keep them there. Leadership involves building the people who do the work, and this is a tough transition for new leaders.

Marisa Krafsig: High performers receive rewards for their execution superpowers. They take personal pride in delivering exceptionally well. Stepping into a leadership role requires them to inspire those they lead, which is a different skill set.

Marisa Krafsig: This transition requires significant coaching and development. They need help learning to delegate and give more autonomy to their teams. It is a challenging skill that takes time and does not happen overnight with a promotion.

Marisa Krafsig: They must communicate priorities and create clarity for others. HR's role is to guide these new managers through this identity shift. We help them transition from task-focused contributors to people-focused leaders.

Nicole: We will return in just a few moments. Stay with us.

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Nicole: What behavior helps someone succeed at one level but holds them back at the next?

Marisa Krafsig: Doing it all yourself. As an individual contributor, you own your success. As a leader, you put the success of the team in the hands of others.

Marisa Krafsig: You must find a way to inspire others, get them to share in the excitement, and understand your vision. Taking that energy and enthusiasm and channeling it into the team's success is critical. You have to let go and learn how to help others find success through your leadership.

Nicole: Right. Recognizing that other people can take different approaches is vital. It is not just about the exact road that made you successful. You have to let your team find their footing through your inspiration and vision while letting them be themselves.

Nicole: We have covered many hard-hitting questions, but I want to look at questions our audience might fear asking out loud. Are there leadership behaviors that get excused because the results look good, and what consequences does that have on the organization?

Marisa Krafsig: It is very common for successful leaders to get a free pass for poor behavior. Organizations often overlook micromanagement, ignoring burnout, dismissive communications, and even ethical gray areas if a leader delivers results.

Marisa Krafsig: This presents a challenge and an opportunity for HR to step up. Things may look great on the surface, but this behavior erodes trust and fractures the foundation of your culture.

Marisa Krafsig: Consequently, employee engagement and morale drop, and people leave. Achieving long-term success in this type of environment is very hard.

Nicole: What is more damaging to business operations: a lack of strategy or a leader who lacks self-regulation?

Marisa Krafsig: This is a tough question. Strategy matters, as having a clear focus and direction is critical to the business. However, a lack of self-regulation and poor performance erodes the team and its success.

Marisa Krafsig: Every organization relies on people to drive performance. It becomes a challenge when employees lack motivation, withhold ideas, and disengage from the organization and its strategic outcomes. I believe a lack of self-regulation can be more destructive over time and ultimately outweighs the strategy.

Nicole: A lack of self-regulation distracts people from the strategy. If a leader feels disappointed with sales or revenue, perhaps the strategy needs adjustment.

Nicole: If they cannot articulate their feelings productively or stop to shift priorities, the conversations become unproductive. Consequently, the strategy fails. What is the conversation HR leaders avoid when it comes to executive behavior and cultural impact?

Marisa Krafsig: HR leaders often sidestep tough conversations about executive behavior because they feel uncomfortable. Nobody looks forward to having them. HR frequently holds off on bringing these issues forward until they gather enough data, metrics, and information to show significant business impact.

Marisa Krafsig: However, a leader's tone and treatment of employees quickly erodes morale. An employee can go from engaged to completely withdrawn in seconds. These conversations need to happen in a timely and effective manner.

Marisa Krafsig: HR often fears rocking the boat, especially if the organization tolerates the behavior. As a result, these conversations get delayed until it is too late, leading to burnout, turnover, and a fractured culture.

Marisa Krafsig: HR can lead strategically by calling attention to behaviors early with data and clarity. Protecting our culture drives business outcomes. It is absolutely uncomfortable, but we have the power to shape long-term success.

Nicole: You bring up a great point about waiting too long. HR teams often want to build a solid case with multiple factors like turnover and engagement before sounding the alarm. However, addressing the issue early on through multiple conversations prevents larger problems.

Nicole: Before we close out, let us leave our audience with something to think about. How do you know when it is time to outgrow the version of yourself that got you here?

Marisa Krafsig: Listen to your heart. You know it is time when what used to get you jumping out of bed no longer does. You are still capable and successful, but it feels too comfortable.

Marisa Krafsig: You get that feeling in your heart and stomach that you need more. You need a challenge and want to stretch your abilities. That voice in your head tells you that you are ready for the next chapter.

Marisa Krafsig: That feeling is a gift. It is your body telling you that you have the confidence and skills to take on the next challenge. Embrace it, step into it, and be the best version of yourself.

Nicole: I love what you said about being comfortable. Once you feel comfortable, it might be time for a new challenge. Following your heart is always good advice.

Nicole: I always follow my heart and lead with my head, which serves me well as a leader. Thank you, Marisa, for sharing your insights with us.

Marisa Krafsig: My pleasure.

Nicole: It was great to have you. That does it for this week's episode of Honest HR, and we will catch you next time.

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